A New Medium

For all of you who gave me some words, themes, ideas to break me out of my blog funk… THANK YOU! Here is the first of the commenter-inspired posts. And BTW, they will not necessarily be written in the order they were suggested because… um, well, my brain doesn’t work that way. I must follow the muse! Even when the muse is me pestering you guys for ideas. (And except for those moments when I’m being all Type-A and stuff. Then the muse goes to the spa.)

I thought I’d start with an easy one and tell you about my worst diaper disaster, inspired by Charlie. It is also the best diaper story because it is not about my son, but about my youngest brother so I get to humiliate him on the web! Mwah ha ha! 

So here’s the back story… my youngest brother, aka “the kiddo”, is 13 years younger than me. (I have three brothers: 1 older, 2 younger. FYI.) I love my parents but they can be a tad self-absorbed, and when I was younger this seemed to especially happen in bouts. Shortly after the kiddo was born my parents went through one of these intense periods where they did a lot of “self-growth” activities and classes and so on. So I was left to babysit my brothers a lot. (Different era back then… there were latchkey kids, it was OK to leave your kids home alone, if you could dial a phone and knew your neighbors by name it was assumed a kid could get help if needed. Whatever.)

On one of these occasions after school my kid brother was taking a nap and I was hanging out with my bff Dawn downstairs. It was about time to check on the kiddo so we both started to walk upstairs. At least I think that was what we were doing; the events that followed blocked everything preceding “the discovery” from memory.  But this I do remember clearly… we were laughing over some adolescent joke as we walked down the hall, we reached the bottom of the staircase and this stench rolled towards us like a tank truck. My bff got a horrified look on her face as I yelled, “What’s that smell?!” and tore up the stairs like an Olympic sprinter. (I really could sprint up the stairs back then. Ah, youth! I miss you babe.) 

I burst into the kiddo’s room to see him, sitting there amidst the tousled linens with a splayed open diaper and… his masterpiece.  He had finger-painted almost the entire wall next to his crib with shit. He had crap smeared all over the crib, he had poop up and down his torso, he had shit in his hair.  The little bugger had obviously been awake for quite some time and, being curious about his new discovery, hadn’t made a peep. Even as I watched he turned away from my dramatic entrance, dipped his fingers back into that poop and continued to paint.  The look of concentration on his 1-year-old face was that of an artist.

My friend arrived behind me, took in the room at a glance, and said, “Ummm, I’ll give him a bath.” (And that, my friends, is a measure of why she was my bff! Anyone else would have bailed!)

She did get the easier end of the job though. There was significantly less shit all over my brother than was on me by the time I cleaned everything up. (I did a damn good job, too, if I do say so myself. You can tell… when the smell is gone, you did a good job.) My parents and my other two brothers all managed to arrive home way after the event unfolded. Punks.

Now my dear brother is 23 in all his gothy-gabber glory. And kiddo, if you’re reading this, remember… if anyone hassles you on the street of the city, wondering what went wrong… it was that early exposure to shit. And not all those stories about the Monkey Farm and the Target Alligator I told you. (I know you’ve been blaming me.)

Is it any wonder I waited until my 30s before I had a kid of my own? I SO KNEW what I was getting into!

  - the weirdgirl

Need a Kick-Start

So I'm trying to get out of this lazy Fall funk and I'd like to enlist your help!  Please, please help me get these creative juices flowing again.  Throw out some random words, themes, internet bizarreness and I'll write post(s?) about whatever you pitch at me.  Rather similar to the last time I begged for inspiration, resulting in Dominant Lactating Mommies, Shakespeare's Mustard, and Painful Playgroup Moments.  Which was... whoa!... a year ago.

This slowdown has gotta be the time of year.   

I've also been bad about blog reading, and especially commenting, lately and I'm working on that too.  My apologies. But if you all give me a boost I promise to follow up soon!

Thanks!          - the  weirdgirl

Time-Sucks for a Monday

Lots of folks have been doing the Simpson avatars lately. Well, I confess, I did one too… a few weeks ago and it was HIDEOUS! Ridiculously unflattering, so I didn’t post it. (Yes, I am that vain.) It sounds like a great, fun idea but the truth is no one looks good as a Simpson. They’re all bug-eyed, after all, with some serious cirrhosis going on.  Even the “attractive” Simpsons aren’t all that.  (I feel it’s our duty as responsible adults to spread the truth.)

Fantasying how great it would be to have a superhero avatar instead… great boobs, tiny waist, (this might be a post-Pregnancy sag-induced fantasy but I can’t think I’m the only one)… I found this: Hero Machine

And wait it gets better… there’s a rock star edition! (I know you all don’t really want to be working on a Monday anyway and I am happy to provide some lovely time-sucking entertainment for your pleasure. You can thank me later.)

Actually I already have a superhero avatar (not that that stopped me from messing around on the site)… simply because I am privileged to have fantastically talented graphic artist friends.  My buddy who made my fabulous blog logo also drew me as a superhero.  I swear, I didn’t ask him to make me one… but I am kind of a nerd so it worked out. And I have to say it makes feel good on those days where my clothes decide to not fit. (Damn those temperamental clothes!)



Because I can’t resist procrastinating my workload any better than the next person, here’s my rock star avatar.  (I'm SO gonna learn to play drums!  I'm all badass like that.)



Last but not least, I know there are certain pop culture myths that haunt our generation. Subjects such as how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop, and can you really bake cookies in your car? Go read this and this to answer those burning questions.

Happy Monday!

          - the weirdgirl

We’re so wonderful, we fart kittens!

Jennifer at No Place Like It has tagged me with a meme. And thanks to her (and Schmutzie) I now also have the above title/line etched into my brain. (Thanks Jen. I keep giggling to myself in public, people are starting to stare.) So this is one of those eight things memes. I meant to do this on Monday but I got caught up in the kingdom of lame (i.e. it’s taking me three times as long to get anything done lately).

1. I think (the last time I counted) I’m up to about 15 places of employment. I’d count them again but… nah. I know it totally makes me sound like a flake but a good number of those businesses simply closed (the downside to working for startups… or retail!). The other ones I’d either get bored at or there were limited growth opportunities so I moved on. Basically, in the early days when I worked a lot of “college” jobs if I didn’t feel challenged or like I was learning something I got bored really quickly. Once I moved to marketing I figured out that it suits me much better because there are so many different types of projects going on. And I’m good at it. Contracting rocks even more!

2. If I don’t wear lipstick I chew my lips all the time! They always seem to be chapped and I gnaw on them. I know this is totally disgusting and I really wish I could stop. Chapstick is only a partial deterrent. The color component of lipstick seems to help, sort of like how I won’t touch my face if I’m wearing makeup. Plus, lipstick is often more moisturizing than chapstick.

3. I have three brothers.  My older brother has brain-damage.  I was, effectively, the oldest child (let the psychoanalysis begin!).  Even though I haven’t talked about it here issues regarding kids with special needs are close to my heart.

4. I painted a school building in high school for the senior prank. The cops showed up. We ran and hid behind another building. My accomplice (wait… actually I was the accomplice because she was the senior and I was only a junior)… anyway, she thought we should turn ourselves in because “the cops won’t arrest us for senior prank, right?” Um… yeah right. I convinced her to just wait until they left since they hadn’t seen the building yet.  (Did I already tell this story?)

5. I have hiked Half-dome in Yosemite.  Me and Keen did the entire hike in one day, from the valley floor, up and back down. Except I didn’t go up that cable part. That’s just crazy. A “few feet of cable” my ass (I’m quoting Keen). And for the record, that picture on Wikipedia makes the cables look less steep than they actually are. I was a little appalled at the parents taking kids up that stretch. There is totally a reason why people have died hiking in Yosemite. (Yes, the gorgeous view is still worth it.)

6. In terms of creative writing (or any of my creative endeavors), deep down I’m really a poet. I’m just masquerading as a (hopefully) more lucrative “writer”. Because, let’s face it, it’s hard to make a living as poet.

7. My dad grew up in Panama, but I can’t speak Spanish. I can understand a little bit, though, like if it’s my family speaking. And I can conjugate a verb like nobody’s business! I just can’t always remember what the words mean (I had to take Spanish class … ahem… over a few times). Both my parents and one of my brothers are fluent in Spanish. My other brother speaks Japanese. I suck.

8. I would really like to build my own (and the kiddo’s) go-cart. I have been planning this since WAY before I ever had kids.  I often enjoy being a kid more than I enjoy being an adult. Except for the additional cash flow that comes with age. That rocks.


Now time to tag people! I’m supposed to tag eight of you (sorry), but it is summer so I figure we need things to write about, yes? CroutonBoy, Katie, Charlie, Summer, Domestic Chicky, Riley (who finds the best pics to post!), Sarah of Goon Squad fame, and Steve you are tagged.

- the weirdgirl

The One about Books

I thought this was kind of fun, Katie picked up on a meme where you post pictures of your bookcase(s) at home.  Sort of a snapshot into your reading/organizational lifestyle.  It's always interesting to see what people are reading.  (I know there's also that cool online widget that randomly puts up the titles and pics of your library, but that's much too much data entry for my taste so this bookcase pic thing fits me just fine.)  Plus, this meme is great for those days where you can't get your brain together.  Which, for me, appears to involve the last couple of weeks.   (Where did my funny go?!)

Interestingly, my bookcases seem to reflect my schizophrenic personality.  The fact that I'm not even done unpacking and everything is in a slight state of disarray is more metaphorically insightful than I care to discuss right now, thanks. 

Without further ado... the library!  Da da DUN!

"Work" (the dream of dreams)   

And "play" (also an acceptable dream).  Since I had a car on my other shelves (the car I was going to buy before I got knocked up,  ahem... KEEN!), I thought I'd throw in a shoe and a teacup here, just so you'd know it was me.

Some more.  (Bored yet?)

Several of my books did not do well in storage (cardboard boxes in a basement, go figure).  Thus, giving that mold a little fresh air. 

"Mouldering with Cat" - Art show coming soon!

As for tags... well this one didn't come with tags (score!) but if you'd like to share your bookcases (bring me your literary, your pulp, your porn) let me know... I'll come read with you.
           - the weirdgirl

Really Something, All Right

I’ve been tagged with a meme. Which is perfect because I have had a little more time this week and yet I’ve been too tired to think of one… damn… thing… to write about. (argh!) So here we go, this one is about seven songs you’re into right now.

(Yes, I know these are all very “Alt Trendy”. Deal.)
(And some of these aren’t all that recent but… tough.)

The Killers, “When You Were Young”

The Raconteurs, “Steady As She Goes”

Muse, “Starlight”

Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Snow (Hey Oh)” – This is the only new song of theirs I like at all. And ironically, I like it a lot.

Rise Against, “Swing Life Away”

Fall Out Boy, “This Ain't A Scene, It's An Arms Race”

Mickey Avalon, Jane Fonda - When I first heard this I kept singing it in the car, stopping spontaneously to shake my junk (which I DON’T do), and pestering everyone I knew to see if they heard it too. (They hadn’t.) And then, I looked it up on the web and MADE my friends listen. It’s so old-school (in a weird cross-genre mish-mash), it makes me laugh. Here’s one of the videos from YouTube but you can hear the song most clearly (so worth it) by clicking on the link to his MySpace page.

And one extra I’ve just been coming back to lately…

Social Distortion, Sorrow

I guess, as part of this tag (?) I’m also supposed to do the “Real Moms” meme (??) which 1) I’m confused about, and 2) apparently, since I don’t “bare it all,” I’m technically not a “real mom” blogger (or so I assume from what I’ve gleaned from other “real mom” references here and there in my recent sporadic blog-reading.) However, I do understand the nature of why (besides personal privacy issues) I don’t bare it all every day…

I, ladies and gentleman, am a smartass. And, as with many smartasses, underneath the smartassery lies a seething mass of emotional debris and gushy feeling. Us smartasses tend to use witticisms to skate over the darker stuff because the darker stuff can get pretty intense… and who can live in that space every day? With smartasses (or at least this one), you get wry commentary… or poetry. I really didn’t think anyone would be up to reading my poetry on a blog. (And I really didn’t want to come off as that pretentious. Besides, you really screw up your options for submittals if you start publishing your stuff on the web.)

But it’s not as if I do not value the baring of blog souls, especially of moms! I support moms. Seriously. (I did share that whole thing about my twat so that’s somewhat close to the real mom thing. I think. I’m still kind of confused. (I guess that happens when you just skirt the fringes of the cool crowd.)) But to try to rectify the situation I am going to share with you my five year plan.


Drop out of school. (slacker)
Start a novel (before my mind turns to mush).
Track my ovulation.
Buy a bigger house.
Start working (a little) more (before mind turns to mush).

OK, that isn’t so much a plan as what is actually happening, but I think you can see where it’s all leading, right? We’re hoping for a second kiddo within the year. No, we’re not starting right this very second (see: goals before pregnancy turns mind to mush), but everything has been building towards this overall goal. Except for the drop out of school part; I just really wanted to write again and I couldn’t do both. Writing is a personal plan and the one I’m really hoping to make happen in and around the raising of the children.

All right, I’m lying. I really just like peeing on sticks.

(Shit. I’m sorry; the smartass thing just insists on asserting itself.)

As for the tags, I would like to invite anyone who wants to continue this music meme. It’s pretty fun. I’m also almost completely brain-dead; maybe I’ll tag someone tomorrow.

- the weirdgirl

(P.S. Explanations on the Real Mom thing are entirely welcome.)

Six More Things (You Probably Didn’t Want to Know)

I was tagged with a meme by No Place Like It, which is perfect because I was dithering about what to post (thanks Jennifer!). Thank goodness for brain-free days!

OK, this is the six things you don’t know about me meme. I’ve done a couple variations of this one before so… shoot, I guess I’ll have to use a bit of my brain today after all. Or at least some memory cells. Without further ado…

1. I was on a runaway horse when I was five. The horse, apparently, got tired of trotting me around (to my heart’s delight) and decided to gallop through an orchard back to his barn so he could get dinner. I held on the whole time, crying. By the way, galloping through low-hanging branches hurts. After the horse was recaptured by the farmer one of my parents (I think it was my mom – sorry mom) asked me why I didn’t “jump off”? Even at five I considered this a dangerous and rather dumb suggestion. Surprisingly, the incident did not change my feelings toward horses. 

2. I really, really hate spinach and anything in the spinach family. Brussel sprouts, chard… it all makes me gag. And gag in that way that is totally uncontrollable (not the drama queen kind). I don’t care how it’s prepared and please don’t offer me any recipes. If I can taste the spinach I have gag issues. I can’t help it, my system doesn’t like spinach. (Lasagna is fine because I can’t taste it.)  

3. My first concert was Midnight Oil at a Great America theme park.  

4. I know it’s hard to fathom what with my lipstick and heels lifestyle, but I used to really love camping and I backpacked every summer as a teen. You know, where you take everything with you in one pack, your food, cooking utensils, soap, clothes and that’s it. That’s how you live. (I actually think backpacking is a great experience for kids. Self-sufficiency and self-esteem and all that.) I still love being in nature but my bones don’t enjoy sleeping on the ground so much anymore.

5. I don’t get hangovers. (Don’t hate me.) I WILL drink to the point of throwing up, do stupid stuff and make a fool of myself, but I don’t get the headaches the next morning or the blissful memory loss of said foolish acts. It’s probably the universe’s way of keeping me in line. 

6. Because I wear heeled shoes almost all the time, I occasionally have a brain fart and take Chance to the playground in my heels. Then I run around in the sand with him. (What? It’s the park!) And yes, the other moms, in their sensible shoes, look at me funny.


Oops, I forgot to tag anyone.  I think it’s supposed to be six, but you know, free will and all, play only if you want to. Um... how about Lisa, Tuesday, Airwick, Katie, MIM (because honey, we miss you) and Tony (even though I know you’ve gotten tagged before) just for shits and giggles.  - wg

Shakespeare’s Mustard (or my favorite academic story)

Of all the rumors, all heated debate   

in reference to his authored state;

his works, his loves, the sordid strife

that make up anecdotes about his life

No one can know, the true tale expired.   

Yet how can you not help admire

that person’s verve to catalyst such storms

four hundred years past the popular norm?

Now dancing in go-go boots angelic

I’m sure he roots our lives pathetic.

I’m sure he chuckles in haloed glee

At all such rampant bardolatry.

In reverent esteem we hold him–

(he who may or may not have penned them,)

but don’t we cherish more juicy reports…

the tales, the gossip, the jealous retorts?

And stuck in my brain, my favorite piece

(seems engraved wherein by telekinesis),

spoofed by Ben, the family motto,

“Not without mustard”… a tale apropos.

- the weirdgirl

Just for the record, I do think Shakespeare wrote his plays.  Thank you, KC, for inspiring this one!  (I especially liked “go-go boots angelic”!)    - wg

Why Playgroup is Occasionally Painful – a not so isolated incident

It was a gentle scene; the soft afternoon light cast a glow on errant dust motes. Children playfully chase cats chasing the dust. The Sam Champion band played softly from speakers, the bootleg mp3 streamed via a network server to an appropriately compatible media center (of course). Laughter and quiet talk fills the air. 

Then a pall… a miasmic cloud creeps around the room, a stench more foul than day-old lap dance puke after a weekend Vegas binger.  It hits the occupants suddenly, violently, without remorse, like a really smelly mugger.  The cats flee.  The dust motes quiver in terror.  Every mother immediately drops to the floor and puts nose to their respective child’s butt.  But I, with sinking gut, knew the perpetrator. Then, to confirm what my gut already knew, the dance begins… a flailing, squirming, twisting gyration, more disturbing than a Michael Jackson sidewalk instructional, as my son frantically tries to escape the noxiousness of his own bottom.  (Just like daddy.)

And I, standing stoic amid the eye-watering fumes, knowing that the other moms can’t possibly have built up the same tolerance that I now have to this excruciating olfactory pain, I still wait a full five minutes before changing his diaper… to make sure it’s ALL OUT!

Bad (playgroup) mommy.                – the weirdgirl

Thanks, CroutonBoy, for the inspirational search terms for this post!

Dominant Lactating Mommies Unite!

On the evening news, the Anchorwoman reports…

A man was assaulted at a local coffee shop earlier today.  Though many details are still unclear, initial reports indicate that an argument broke out between a man and a woman with a baby in the seating area, shortly followed by the assault.  When police arrived on the scene they found a middle-aged man beaten to unconsciousness and dripping wet.  Witnesses had varying stories as to who or what provoked the attack, but they all agreed on one point… the liquid covering the man was breastmilk.   

Cut to witness interview one

Elderly Man:  “It’s a disgrace! Just a crying shame, the world today!  You can’t even go for a bite to eat without seeing something like that?  It makes you afraid to leave your house!” 


Witness interview two

Latte-drinking Female: “I don’t know what the man was thinking, messing with that poor woman.  You know, when a baby’s got to eat, a baby’s got to eat.”

Reporter:  “So you’re saying the man provoked the attack?”

Latte-drinking Female: “Hell, YES!  She was just sitting there minding her own business and that man was harassing her.  I’ll tell you one thing… that woman has some mad skills.  You know, she beat that man with the one while she kept the baby feeding from the other one the WHOLE TIME!”

Witness interview three

Reporter: Excuse me, did you see what happened?

Twenty-something Male:  “I don’t know, man, I was standing in line and suddenly I heard someone shout ‘I’ll show you indecent!’ and duuuude… I gotta come here for coffee more often!”

Cut back to Anchorwoman:

The woman apparently fled the scene immediately after the attack. Police are encouraging anyone with information to come forward as they continue to piece together the details of the assault.  Various sketches of the woman in question have proven too graphic for release.  As for the woman’s baby… witnesses say she looked healthy and well-fed.

In other news, a new website has been climbing search engine ranking lists in record time!  The site, dom-to-mom.com, has gained a huge online following…

I had to start with this one.  Great suggestions so far, more to come!         - wg

Contest... buying time... whatever

I realized my last post sounded a bit mafia-esque.  Erm… sorry about that… we’re not mafia… really.  Family matters just make me a little emotional.  And I’m the “level-headed” one!  (Yes, I’m laughing at the absurdity, too.)

I think my computer is back together.  I don’t have email (which, ironically, is the only portion of this whole fiasco that almost made me cry) but I think I’ll get it soon.  (Though I did lose some of the last week’s emails, so if anyone emailed me I apologize for not answering.)  I need to load up a few more programs and drives, but otherwise I haven’t had any crashes.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed.   

I’ve spent so many hours futzing with this thing I’m fried.  I haven’t been able to think of anything to post besides bitching about my computer, and I’m ABSOLUTELY POSITIVE that you’re all as sick of hearing about it as I am.  So I have an idea…

Send me questions, topics, or even random word combinations (for example, “porcupine blazer”) and I’ll write a post (or more) about your suggestion(s).  I may even give out a prize for the most creative suggestion!  (If I can find something suitable.  And if I get any suggestions.  Please don’t make me fake an entry.)    

Sounds good?  Cool!  This will help me get back into the swing of things. A good writing exercise always gets my juices flowing (and no, that’s not a reference to my twat problems).  In the meantime, I’m off to catch up on other people’s blogs.

Missed ya, folks!            - the weirdgirl

P.S. Someone hit my site from the search term “dominant lactating mommies”!  Snort! Guffaw!  Oh, I might have put that in the queue for a post.

Life Experiences Meme

This is a really fun one that I originally saw on Mary P.’s site.  Since then it’s been popping up everywhere.  Very cool to see what other folks have done and not!   

Bold the ones you've done.  Comments are in italics.
(A few are marked in Red, these are ones that I’ve almost done… or just wanted to comment on because they reminded me of something funny!  – wg)

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain (I’ve hiked Half Dome in Yosemite, but I started having heat stroke at the end and didn’t make it up the final cables.  Does that count?  Keen says no.)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
  (In the middle of a busy street even, with the psychic publisher I worked for. She had a sudden need to “pray”.  It was a Great Spirit kind of moment.)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game  (Manchester United!)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby's diaper

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
  (It’s the best part of weddings!)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope  (I was part of the Astronomy club in highschool.  Please control your “nerd” comments.)
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight

28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
(It’s just fun.)
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse  (Almost. As I said before, I was part of the Astronomy Club. Every time we were going to see an eclipse it was cloudy.)
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day  (I have two high school friends who would actually do this. On one school trip they pretended to be German exchange students for the entire day, walking up to strangers and asking them about where to find “the American-style motorcycles”. It still makes me laugh.)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer

40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
42. Had amazing friends

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign (I haven’t done this, but once a sign was stolen for me.)
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your cds
57. Pretended to be a superhero
  (OK, I did this even before I had a kid.)
58. Sung karaoke (forced, at parties)
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater

66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken

69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight  (I’ve actually played D&D (nerd!) but I could never last more than a couple of hours without getting really bored and bailing on the guys.)
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days  (I’ve only fasted for 3 days max. We used to hold sponsored “planned famines” through my church to raise money for famine victims.  But because most of us doing it were teens we never held them longer than a 3-day weekend.)
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest.
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert".
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas

86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark  (SO good!  Mmmm)
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror.
96. Raised children  (in process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge  (Sadly, even though I live right here, I’ve never done this… but I really should.)
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking (All the time)
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived.
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth  (We had a cat who was in distress, birthing her kittens breach.) 
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone  (Just cracked my tailbone once; I didn’t even get an xray. But it hurt like hell during rainy seasons for years so I’m pretty sure it was cracked.)
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery

120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours (For five weeks straight; I had Mono when I was 19.)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days  (It was a backpacking/canoe trip; we actually hiked in carrying the canoe.  Does that count?)
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi (and sashimi)
128. Had your picture in the newspaper  (as a kid)
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and the Odyssey
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school and read
(many times)
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (I’ve done fish, and I’ve assisted with rabbits and chickens. No, I didn’t have to kill those, just the prep work.)   
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language  (This is fairly common in California.)
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream  (And it kind of surprised me, too.)
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you  (jewelry-work)
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life

Shopping is Misunderstood

I've been seeing this quiz floating around and thought it would be fun to take (plus, I was having blogger's block). These were my results...

Are You a Slacker Mom?

Your quiz results make you a Pretty in the City Mom

You might have a subscription to both Parenting Magazine and Vogue. While picking up a darling Easter outfit for your tyke at Bloomingdale's you're tempted to grab a pair of Manolo Blahniks for your own tootsies. You are a fabulous mom, and you take care of yourself fabulously, too.

Take this free personality test by Clicking Here>> or going to www.areyouaslackermom.com

soooooo... huh?!  I can't really figure out how it came to these results. It did ask A question about what you do to relax (check all that apply) and I DID click shopping, as well as some other activities like reading, but... OK, I just don't get the Parenting Magazine thing. I do have a subscription, but only because some maternity shop or other signed me up for it free without my knowledge. I'm currently using past issues to hold down my couch cover (you know, when you shove rolled up magazines into the creases of your couch? It really does work!).  I do love to shop... but Vogue, Bloomingdales, Manolo's?  Excuse me, I don't read Vogue, I don't shop at Bloomi's and I resent being stereotyped this way (all right, the shoes would be pretty nifty).  Yes, I read Lucky, but it's NOT the same thing!  And this quiz really hasn't given me a "slacker" rating.  I mean, I did the quiz for the slacker rating! 

What?  Are they inferring that if you like to shop you must be slacker?  'Cause that is JUST WRONG! 

I am so offended.              - the weirdgirl*    

*Now with PMS!

Thursday, Thursday, so good to me

Today is Thursday (and you’re all thinking “duh” – but it is a feat for me to know what day it is, just so you understand).  Thursdays I drop off Chance for “bonding time” with his grammy (my MIL).  Usually I then run around on errands, stuff I didn’t get done the rest of the week, maybe with a little indulgent food or shopping thrown in.  Or work.  Thursdays are definitely used to get caught up on work.  But not today.  This Thursday, I’m came back home to a nice quiet house to catch up on my blogging*.  BWA HA HA!  (I didn’t really need to do the evil laugh, I just wanted to.)

I’ve been tagged by both Black Belt Mama and J’s Mommy (Another Mommy Moment).  It turns out that I was also tagged for this meme in February (I had to go back and check) which you can see here (those are probably the more interesting ones).  But for the sake of the game I’ll try to come up with six more weird things.

OK, six weird facts:

1. My mom apparently used to talk to me in Old English when I was baby (she was taking it at college).  I think this explains some garbled dreams I used to have as a kid.

2. I like to own several pairs of glasses in different colors so I can accessorize with my outfits.  (You know, like Sandra Oh on Arliss?)  Since getting pregnant and becoming a mom I only wear one set all the time.  (I now often unconsciously color-coordinate my son’s outfits with mine.  How much sadder is that?)

3. I find myself absolutely UNABLE to leave the house in sweats or pajama bottoms

4. I can play the hammer dulcimer (well, at least I used to)

5. I don’t get jealous (or very, very rarely, it’s happened maybe a handful of times in my life).  I have been told that this is strange and unusual(?).

6. I can remember changing my youngest brother’s diapers (he’s 13 years younger than me) and now he makes comments about his sex life in my presence.  (He is unfazed by my reaction.)

Now for six tags.  Please feel free to play or not. (I’ll try to pick people who I don’t think have done this meme; but forgive me if you have).  Zygote Daddy, Siren (if you’re not too busy moving), Kristen at Motherhood Uncensored, Cyndi at Times and Places, :p fuzzbox, and Stella at Finding Zen.  I just want to see what they’ll all say.

Good night folks!             - the weirdgirl

*Since beginning the writing of this post to finishing it several hours later, some work emails and calls I had been waiting on came in.  I didn’t get very far in my blogging after all.  DAMNIT!

Fits the Theme

Cynical Dad Chag tagged me (I love that that rhymes) with this weird and random facts meme (which was fun but hard… you know, the sort of meme where you can’t think of anything until after you’ve posted and gone to bed).  And ala CCG, I am doing 10 for me (the MeMe) and 10 for Chance (the HeHe). 

MeMe: 10 Weird and Random Facts

1. I talk in my sleep and (half) sleepwalk (usually I wake myself up as I’m getting out of bed).  It is not unusual for me to sit bolt upright in bed and begin talking.  I’ve scared the shit out of Keen several times doing this.

2. I once worked as an editor for a publisher who was also a psychic. While I was reading submissions in the front office, she used to hold séances / “psychic consultations” in the back room.

3. Séances give me stomach aches.

4. Permanent hair dye will not stay in my hair.  (I have to use semi-permanent.)

5. I dye my hair burgundy/auburn red.  My real hair is actually honey-colored.  (Though ironically, the drapes now match the carpet.  Is that TMI?)

6. Even though I studied literature (with a capital L), I love pulp fiction and would love to write paperbacks/comic books. 

7. I like to spread peanut butter (or jelly or whatever) evenly to the edges of the bread when I’m making a sandwich.  Keen seems to think that this is incredibly weird for some reason and made me include it here.

8. Halloween is my favorite holiday.  When I was a little girl I never wanted to dress as a princess, I always wanted to be the witch.

9. I like to watch TV shows aimed at teenagers.

10. I like boxing, but don’t get to watch it much.

HeHe: 10 Weird and Random Facts about Chance

1. Chance is named after a character from a TV show called Strange Luck.  It wasn’t that we really loved the character; we just thought the name was cool.    

2. He sucks in the sides of his cheeks when he’s thinking.

3. When he really likes his food he also loves to suck in the sides of his cheeks or lips until he makes a fishy face and a “smack” sound.  He’ll do this several times in a row.

4. “Hotel California” was playing, loudly, in the operating room when he was delivered.   

5. He loves to be naked and makes for the hills as soon as his diaper is off.

6. Sometimes he’ll stick his tongue out when he smiles (like I do).

7. He’s starting to “dance” when he hears songs he likes.

8. He likes to tackle the cats and rubs his face in their bellies.  He’s only managed to catch one of the cats to do this. 

9. Chance is already fascinated by cars. 

10. I’ve seen him manage to get the lid off a childproof container twice. That’s gotta be a defect, right?   

I cannot remember who may have done this one so… I’m tagging Adventure Dad, Growing Up Too Fast, JW at I Was Asked, and  Metro Dad because I wanna hear what they say.  Smiles!             – the weirdgirl

Catching Up

I got tagged with this meme by Matthew at childsplayx2 a couple of weeks ago, but I didn’t realize I had been tagged because that was when my back was out and I was off the Internet, much to my dismay (and a little to my worriment).  I mean, dismay caused by being off the Internet, not the meme.  And I mean worrisome as I really shouldn’t be so attached to my DSL connection, should I?  Hmmm, food for thought.  Anyway.  Once I managed to catch up on my reading I found the tag.  I reckoned it would be a good way to start off the new year because I had to REALLY THINK to remember what the hell I was doing 10 years ago and so I thought thinking and remembering in general might be a good thing to begin the new year with.  And also because I don’t DO resolutions.  I just keep a rolling five year plan in my head most of the time and try to work to it.  (How anal is that?) 

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot.
2. Queen of Spain
3. Becky
4. childsplayx2

5. the weirdgirl

Select five people to play (but only if they want to). I was going to include MIM and CroutonBoy in this list, but MIM has already gotten hit and she tagged CroutonBoy, damn it all. Consider yourselves lucky.
2) Phil
3) Mary
4) Igmar
5) Kim 

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was just about to finish my BA in English Lit.  And yes, it took me longer than average (seven years) to finish the usual four-year degree, primarily because I was working all through school and I had a nasty bout of mono in the middle and another semester where I was just burnt out and took off school to work more hours.  (In retrospect, I probably should have taken off work to do some more schooling.)  I also had just quit a really AWFUL crappy job that I hated and was sexist to boot and whose management suddenly decided that sorry, I wouldn’t be able to work 32 hours a week, I would HAVE to work 40 hours a week regardless of whether I had school because they SAID SO.  I think they were honestly surprised when I quit.  Like, exactly what did they expect me to do?  Cave and give up school?  (pshaw)  Anyways, I started selling candles at home shows next (sort of like Tupperware) which gave me enough flexibility to finish the really screwy class schedule you always get towards the end of a degree.  And here I have to give props to my wonderful friends and my then-boyfriend-now-husband who drove me and all of my candle equipment to my shows because I didn’t have a car (or a license) because I couldn’t afford to both go to school and own a car.  You know, it really says a lot about the quality of friends you have when they’re willing to help you out with that kind of crap.  Thank you, you guys.  (Yes, I’m still friends with all of them.)

Oh, and I got a car right after I graduated.  My beige 66 VW bug that I’m going to restore completely one day (see millionaire entry).

What were you doing one year ago?

One year ago I was trying to convince my OB/GYN that no really, I’m retaining A LOT of water, much more than is normally retained… but I had inherited my OB halfway through the pregnancy so he had never seen me pre-pregnancy (I was really thin) and so he kept insisting that I “looked fine”.  I lost 23 pounds of water weight after giving birth.  I was miserable and moaning and the pregnancy made my brain all mushy.  And for some reason, I kept freaking out that I had NO SHEETS for the baby.   

Five snacks you enjoy:

1) cookies!
2) chocolate-covered pretzels
3) chocolate (see a theme?)
4) Cheese puffs
5) Ranch-flavored anything

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

I know A LOT of song lyrics so, of course, I drew a blank when I came to this one.  In fact, I can usually sing the song but not remember the name of the band or the song title.  Which came in really handy with Rock & Roll Jeopardy’s “finish the lyric” category (when it was still on), but isn’t very useful for much else. 

1) currently, anything musical that plays on Noggin
2) also any toy of my son’s that plays music

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:
1) Buy a bigger house (seriously, our house is tiny, too small for another kid)
2) Take care of family / invest money
3) Set up a scholarship fund
4) Restore my ‘66 VW bug  (this has only been on my list for 10 years)
5) Travel

Five bad habits:
1) I say “sorry” a lot (I’m getting better, though)
2) I bite/chew on my lip
3) Sometimes my mind starts drifting off in the middle of a conversation, not only when the other person is talking but when I’m talking, too… that can’t be a good thing.
4) I scratch at my skin when I shouldn’t (particularly if I’ve broken out… I know, gross)
5) I expect people to understand my humor

Five things you like doing:
1) Spending time with my kid
2) Reading and writing
3) Working (and then spending my hard-earned cash)
4) Gardening
5) Going to spas and other hedonistic pleasures (see #3)

Five things you would never wear or buy again:
1) Scrunchy socks (can’t do it, sorry)
2) those blouses that tie into bows at the neck (my mom made me wear one once)
3) “big” shoes such as Doc Martins (they’re extremely comfortable but now I just trip over them; and heels make your legs look much more sexy)
4) tapered jeans
5) muscle shirts

Five favorite toys:
1) my laptop
2) DVR (especially the 10-second “back” button)
3) my car (my new one, it goes fast!)
4) cartoons
5) um, can this last one be food or clothing items?

More Fun and Games

I’ve been re-reading some of my posts and I realize I sound like a mood-swinging loony.

Ahem.  I don’t actually BELIEVE myself to be a mood-swinging loony, but you never know. So hard to look in the mirror and all that.  (Case in point: I had originally intended for this site to be for my alter-ego, where I could be extreme and outrageous and outside of being mom… but everyone I know who’s read it said, “It sounds just like you!”  So there you go.  I can’t escape myself.)

However, I did want to offer somewhat of an apology.  This site is my dumping ground, so you might get stuck wading through the muck of my emotional extremities. Wait, that didn’t sound right…it sounded better in my head, less like excrement and more like… um. Well, you get the point.  (Sometimes I plan these posts out and sometimes I just write. Guess which type of post is this?)

So here’s a new quiz!  I’m a sucker for these things.  I found this through Kim’s site, All the World’s A Stage; a cool theatre chick out of St. Louis.  (Sorry Dads, I couldn’t find an equivalent quiz for fathers.)           - the weirdgirl

Punk Mama
You're a punk rock mommy! DIY is probably your
motto, because you're a punk mama at heart.
Your kids are getting your independent spirit
and guts, and learning to solve problems
themselves. You love it when they show their
independence, even when it's breaking your

What kind of a freaky mother are you?
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Degrees of Seven

I was half-pinged for this meme by Dutch (though he DID officially end it, wise gypsy man) and decided to pick it up because it’s interesting to think some of these things through.  I mean, how often do we think about what we can’t do or really set down on paper some goals to do before we die?  And the “things we say most often”?  That one was tough, ‘cause I’m not really listening to the shit coming out of mouth, you know what I’m saying?

Anyway.  Anybody I pinged at the end please feel free to play or not, at your discretion (but I would love to hear what you have to say). 

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die:

  1. write and publish a book (or several) – (just like every other blogger; why don’t we set up a writer’s group so we’ll all actually start?)
  2. travel a lot more
  3. learn to weld
  4. learn to play drums
  5. go on an archaeological dig
  6. take my son hiking on the secret trails in Yosemite 
  7. start dancing again

7 Things I Cannot Do:

  1. cook
  2. not be a smartass
  3. ski
  4. get excited about cleaning the bathroom no matter what new gadget they have
  5. give up on friends (even when they might deserve it)
  6. understand why the line, “Let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks just yet,” doesn’t translate to an office setting ( I could have used it SO many times!)
  7. put up with incompetent people in the workplace (I have some issues; it’s why I freelance)

7 Things That Attract Me to the Opposite Sex:

  1. intelligence (such a turn on!)
  2. confidence
  3. ambition/drive
  4. sense of humor
  5. ability to have fun (doesn’t take himself too seriously)
  6. good with kids/animals
  7. well-dressed (not all the time, but looking great every once in a while is very, very sexy… now you just sit there and look pretty)

7 Things I Say Most Often:

  1. Come here, you
  2. What are we doing for dinner?
  3. meow (this is a code word in our household)
  4. I’m sorry
  5. Umm…
  6. damnit!
  7. What’cha doin’ (insert baby or cat name here)?

7 Celebrity Crushes:

  1. Harrison Ford
  2. George Clooney
  3. Neil Gaiman
  4. Edward Norton
  5. Charlize Theron (she is such a strong chick!)
  6. The Rock – yum
  7. punk boys… so cute!

7 People I Want To Do This (Because I Want to See What They Say):

  1. Sandriux
  2. Finding Zen
  3. Childbearing Hipster
  4. The Phoenix
  5. The Ledge
  6. Chocolate Makes It Better
  7. and… OK, I can’t think of anyone else

Alright, I decided to add my own section.  Because I wanted to and because there should be seven categories, shouldn’t there?  If it’s gonna be all about sevens.  I mean, that’s just basic mythos magic. So here you go.

7 Things I’m Thankful for:

  1. getting to watch my son everyday grow into a person of his own
  2. my babe, Keen Dad
  3. growing older (and maybe a little wiser)
  4. how great the kitty cats are doing with the baby
  5. school
  6. having a plethora of great music and books in the world
  7. the best friends a girl could have

Quiz Time

Not that I really think anyone can sum up another entire person by way of five questions, but this is kind of fun (plus, I decided it was time for a picture).  I tried finding a Sesame Street quiz (just because I'm ALL ABOUT Sesame Street right now.  My heart grew fonder being so many years away!) and there were a few but one had some serious typos (!), one had no submit button (hello?), and one was, frankly, just kind of dumb.  (Serves me right for thinking these were actually designed by someone with a psych degree and a working knowledge of color theory, Meyers-Briggs, and other psych-related stuff, etc. etc. instead of just random people on the net making up their own quizzes. I am so naive.)  On another note, not that I did it with this one, but sometimes I totally cheat  on these by going back and putting in new answers just to see what comes up.  My inquiring mind just wants to know.  Ooh, I wonder if there's a monster quiz?

OK, I did do it with this one too, but it still came up Woodstock.             - the weirdgirl

I am Woodstock! Woodstock

Which Peanuts Character are You?
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Oh, wait... this one is fun. What kind of a witch are you?  I'm just getting in the Halloween mood!  (And the fact that the results for both were flattering have nothing to do with it!)        - wg

Fire Witch
You are a fiery witch. Your charisma and sensual
beauty draw many to you. You are creative and
full of vitality and inspiration. Never one to
blend in, you're appearance is bold, bright
and..er.. fiery :) You draw your power from
fire and may be a bit of a pyro.. for pretty
sented candles at least.

What kind of 'witch' are you?
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