Guides and Guides and Guides, oh my!

It’s time to share some shopping love here at wg’s!  Here are some of the guides, links, and shops I’ve found extremely helpful during this and past holiday seasons.

Kristen and Liz really do a fantastic job scouring the web for cool finds. The Cool Mom Picks Holiday Guide is great! I’ve already shopped off this fabulous list.

Cool Mom Picks Holiday Guide

 
The very lovely and talented KC from All the World’s A Stage has finally launched her own craft shop. I LOVE the wristlet purses made from vintage ties! So cute!
http://www.myworldsastage.etsy.com

The BlogHer ladies have a great page with holiday tips, covers everything from shopping in particular genres (such as Sarah’s guide to that sports fan in your life) to avoiding depression through the holidays.
http://www.blogher.com/special-events/blogher-holiday-guide

And… ahem… my own shop, which is kind of a mess right now and a friend and I are in the midst of merging our t-shirts together and I’m still working on the site design… but if you want to check it out. (I’ll launch more officially soon.)
http://www.cafepress.com/theweirdgirl

 

Now for something completely not-so different. It occurred to me that I have collected quite the mix of shopping bookmarks in the last couple of years. Whenever I embark on a Project I have to search the web first, especially gift projects. I thought it would be fun to do a link dump. You might find something you’ve been looking for or something you hadn’t thought of OR you might learn more about me that you really didn’t want to know. Either way, enjoy. (Warning: this guide is heavy on the life sciences, because all the kids I know like that stuff.)

WG’s List of Random, Weird, & Bulk Shopping Items – (because sometimes you just need to buy stuff in bulk)

Butterflies and other buggy specimens
http://www.butterfliesandthings.com/default.asp
http://www.einsteins-emporium.com/life/specimens/ls000.htm
http://www.butterfly-gifts.com/pictures-of-butterflies.html

Venus Fly Traps and other flesh eating plants – (These were gifts for Keen. He wanted some for his office to creep people out.)
http://www.petflytrap.com/plants.html

Seashells - (Look, we don’t have many seashells on the West Coast. All you East Coast people stop laughing!)
http://www.seashells.com/

4M Toys – This company has some really cool science-y and craft kits for kids, but they don’t ship in the
US. However, if you browse their products and then type the name into eBay you can usually find a distributor. Last time I ordered from a guy in Australia.

 http://www.4m-ind.com/sc_webcat/ecat/cms_view.php?lang=1&id=1

Marbles
http://www.moonmarble.com/

Toys for Adults (not that kind!)
http://www.perpetualkid.com/index.asp

T-shirts – Completely blank and dirt cheap, when you just don’t feel like going to Target.
http://www.cheapestees.com/

Pinup and Vintage-inspired Clothing (because it’s HOT!)
http://www.pinupgirlclothing.com/pinupcouture.html
http://www.stopstaringclothing.com/
http://www.reddressshoppe.com/

Leather – Also dirt cheap, however I haven’t ordered from this place yet so I can’t attest to the quality.
http://www.jilliandistributors.com/

 
What great online shops have you found? Or… plug your own shop!

    - wg 


Pimpin’ the Sellout like Nobody’s Whore

It is the END of summer. Except it’s really not, as is evidenced by the on and off heat waves we’ve been getting here. School has just started and it’s finally hot; (alternating with the odd chilly morning. It’s very strange). I have officially entered the brain-melt stage of the season. Really, ask me a question… 10 to 1 you get an extended, “Uuuhhhh,” for your answer.

But I know summer is almost at an end - although, I haven’t been to the boardwalk yet, and I don’t think you can technically claim a season as “summer”, much less at an end, without going to the boardwalk (or your local eqsuivalent) at least once (but that’s just my opinion) – and I’m feeling the pressure to get my ducks in a row for the next season. Particularly in the career arena, or lack thereof. In the last month and a half, somewhere around 10 people have left my department. (I lost track after eight.) That’s an awful lot of people. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone viewing this as a propitious omen. Since I’m part-time and only minimally in the office, (as well as having a complete lack of interest) I don’t really keep track of the internal politics. I do my job and leave. However from what I gathered, for all intents and purposes, I will still have work coming in. Maybe even more (duh), but I think it’s wise to expand my potential revenue streams.  Just in case.

Then I ran into issues… see, I know my job really well (i.e. it’s easy now), I really like the flexibility I got going on, and the money is decent, ergo I’m comfortable. I have no issues with working hard, (in fact I used to be one of those overly dedicated to my job sorts) but I really don’t want to give up my current flexibility. I just find I’m not so much into the 9 to 5 anymore, especially considering that with kids it’s more like 7 to midnight. So I’m thinking… how about a couple smaller revenue streams rather than just one main dubious stream? That way, maybe, I’ll get splattered more than once. (wait… ew!)

Along those lines, and among some other projects as well, I’ve opened up a cafepress store. I know, I know, this is so two years ago!  However, in my defense, I’ve seriously wanted to get one of these shirts done since Chance was in the womb, which would have put me ahead of the cafepress curve… if I’d actually gotten them done then. *cough* slacker *cough cough*

So want to see the shirt I meant to make back then? Here you go.

 

I_made_it_through_the_vagina_tee_2

And one more.

 

My_infant_loves_farts_tee

I plan to see how it goes and add a few more designs.  Or rather, slogans. (I can’t draw worth beans.)  If they sell. You know how that goes.   

So anyway, check them out! Send insults comments!  Deride my capitalistic tendencies!  Then tell all your friends and buy as gifts.  Please?

         - wg


Lady Bits Surgery

I've been doing a bit of tshirt surgery on some old clothes.  I have a whole slew of tshirts that, after I had the baby, the proportion of them was just wrong.  Everything feels a couple inches too short or hits at the wrong places... you know, even when it doesn't "look" like it, babies always move some of your bits around to new locations (I'm just glad my boobs stayed on the front of my body)... so I've been chopping them up (the shirts, not my lady bits), adding details, embroidery, etc. etc.  The great thing about some types of tshirt surgery is you don't always have to haul out a sewing machine.  I've been doing a lot of it by hand because, frankly, I suck at sewing. Yeah, I've had all the home-ec classes and what not and I used to sew all the time, but I'm honest enough to admit I'm just not very good at it.  Textiles are not my forte.  My mom on the other hand can sew, quilt, knit, and spin her own goddamn yarn (I am not kidding) like a demon. 

Just give me some metal and pretty rocks to play with and I'm happy.  (By the way, if any of my IRL girlfriends out there would like to make any requests now is the time to do them.  I'm stocking up on jewelry supplies for Christmas.)

ANYway!  (I'm totally getting off my point.)  I wanted to share one of my tshirt projects.  I got this lovely shirt at Blogher from BMC and GGC.  Of course, it was an extra-large so I was swimming in it, and it broke my heart not to be able to do something with it so I made a few adjustments...

Newvaginashirt

SO cute with skinny black jeans and stacked heels!  Think I can wear it into work?

           - the weirdgirl


Swimwear Must Die! 2

So here’s the second half of the train wreck (you know how it is, you can’t see all the horror at once). I thought of the last batch as the “day to evening wear” collection. This group is definitely the “party girl” collection. 

“My day job is showgirl.” (I bet those tassels itch and get into places when they’re wet.)

Swim_dress_up_2

Scary. And where, o where, are the tan lines that go with this suit?

Swim_dominatrix

The Multi-tasker. You know the description for this one actually said, “can be used for swimming”. WHAT USEFUL swimwear! Because you never know when you may need to go from the pool to the club, back into the pool again (most likely in drunken debauchery).

Swim_skirt

Um, no bathing suits that you need a manual to get into, thanks. (And what’s with the skirts?! With one that short you’re just asking for a goosing from passing toddlers.)

Swim_need_manual

And for the very last, here’s one that reminded me of our exalted celebrities… I call this one “Color Me Paris”. (Hilton, that is.)

Swim_color_me_paris

Buy any two and get a camcorder… FREE!  - wg


Swimwear Must Die!

It’s that time of year again… time to shop for swimsuits! (grumble grumble growl) And ALSO time for a roundup of the best of the worst in designer swimwear! You may have remembered last year’s commentary. This year I found such a variety of “interesting” swimsuits I think I may need to break this into a two-parter.

Meet the twins. (I think they have to keep their arms up like that to keep the suit on.)

Swim_twins_together_2

Dude! I mean, lady! …um, are those balls in your pants…or…?

Swim_dude_looks_like_lady

For that extra fancy event. (I’m not sure hooking her fingers through the waistband really projects the casual image she’s going for. Maybe she should try a wardrobe malfunction.)

 

Swim_tuxedo_2

And finally…

 

Swimsuit_vagina_rokshk

This year’s version of the vagina suit, Rorschach edition. (Oh yeah, that’s the one I’m gonna buy. Right after I meet with my counselor.)

I swear, the antithesis of shopping therapy is shopping for swimsuits. At least there is much fodder for laughter (even if it’s a little pained). Is it just me or are most of these suits big arrows pointing to your crotch?

Sadly, (so sadly) more to come.  - wg


Just Because I Feel Like It

Here’s a few lovely fashion pics I stumbled across.

For quite some time I’ve been debating waxing barfoetic on the whole issue of bubble skirts. I think about posting, then change my mind, then I see yet another reiteration of the bubble skirt out there, the disgust rises and starts the cycle again. But the real nuts and bolts of it is… it’s Just. Too. Easy. Because who looks good in a bubble skirt?

No one.

Bubble_skirt_3

No one.

Bubble_skirt

No one. 

Bubble_skirt_6

That’s who. 

This? I don’t even know what this is. Though I’ve noticed they always show a lot of belly with questionable fashions. Sometimes even a lack of underwear. Hmmm, I wonder why?

Bubble_shorts

And this poor girl… that’s a long time to be in potty training pull-ups.

Bubble_skirt_elastic

So this one is only peripherally fashion-oriented but I had to share. There is an error here that irks me to no end. (Yes, I am that geeky.) Five points (yes, I’m giving out points now! maybe even a prize!) to each commenter who finds the irksome error… or any other errors that just irk you.   Personally, I find this whole shirt as one giant irk.

Cowgirl

Sort of like the Pussycat Dolls. - wg

 


Juicy Must Die!

OK, I had to take a moment and share the horror.  I was shopping for swimwear and came across these monstrosities.  As if swimsuit shopping isn’t hard enough!  And I was just looking for a new pair of board shorts, damnit!  (Which have been hard to find, so I must assume they are not en vogue anymore; because, of course, why should something so practical last forever?  But I’m not bitter.)

Um, that spiral is in exactly the WRONG place.

Swimsuit_black_and_white_1

Because nothing shows off your stretch marks like brass rings!

Swimsuit_lizard_rings_1

Excuse me, I’m off to swim now… in my vagina suit!

Swimsuit_vagina_1

And finally, the ever present Juicy.  I’m not saying I haven’t seen a few cute things in their collection but I’ve never understood the writing-across-the-butt thing.  Especially wearing the word “juicy”.  (Especially paying the price demanded to wear the word “juicy” across your ass.)

Swimsuit_juicy2_1

I mean you might as well just go to the beach in this:

Swimsuit_drippy_1

Please note that all of the above hideousness is considered “designer” swimwear.  Thus proof that the line between trailer trash and high fashion is about as thin as Brittany Spears’ thong.      

            - wg


The Search is On

UPDATE - We got some great selections and here is an updated list.  I'm going to try to check out a couple of these and I'll post later with some results.  If any of you also find some favorable places to shop, I'd love to hear about it.  The list so far:

JC Penny

Edie Bauer

Casual Corner

CJ Banks - www.cjbanks.com

J Jill - I was pleased to see in their catalog that many of shorts listed a "6 inch inseam"!

Macy's - both store brands and their designer labels

J Crew

LL Bean

Target - I did find some OK shorts, Cherokee brand, but they WERE looking pretty matronly (they'll do when you're desperate - even Keen was making faces at these shorts)

Other alternatives:

Skirts in general

Old Navy/Gap men's section - (On a similar note, I've also used Target's mens/boys section in the past to find shorts)

James Perse skirts - I checked these out online and I have to say they look pretty yummy, pricey but yummy

I hope everyone else (at least the girls) finds this list as helpful as I do.  Thanks everyone for your feedback!          - the weirdgirl

Following up from the last post* (my kvetching about not finding suitable shorts – yes, it’s life-altering topics here at the weirdgirl’s house) there were a couple of great suggestions in the comments that I am going to check out.  Namely, places to find shorts that aren’t cut at hootchie length or down to the knee, and summer alternatives to shorts.  Here were the suggestions:

JC Penny

Casual Corner

Eddie Bauer

Skirts in general (for me I need to find ones my son can’t yank off my bum)

So I gots me an idea.  I would LOVE to hear about the places you all shop and/or have found clothes that actually fit women’s bodies well (without making you look frumpy OR skanky).  Because you all know how much I love lists, I’ll post all the suggestions/places you’ve found to be great for REAL WOMEN.  Heck, knowing how much I love to shop I’ll probably run product testing on your suggestions as well.  (I’ll be checking out Mervyn’s selection tomorrow.)  And if any of you out there know of or run a website with clothing for REAL WOMEN, I’d love to hear about those, too.

OK?  Let’s call this the Great Clothing Search.  And… go!            

                  - the weirdgirl

*Yes, I know this is kind of a cop out post but allergies are kicking my butt and I’ve got a headache that could birth Athena.  Plus, I am still a little irritated about the hootchie shorts thing.  (Hootchie skirts on the other hand, perfectly acceptable, especially for adult-only dinners out.)


Need… Better… Clothing!!!

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret… being a mom doesn’t always let a girl keep up on the bikini waxes like she used to (Grover would be so ashamed).  You know, when you maintained everything quite regularly, did the trims, made that appointment or bought a new home kit every six weeks (well, at least in the summer).  That was before.  Before the sleep deprivation, before the multiple-sized-clothing wardrobe, and before the mothering (i.e. taking care of everyone else besides yourself).  Not to mention before some of the adverse side effects of pregnancy kicked in (i.e. stretch marks, varicose veins, hormonally-induced hair growth, stop me when it’s TMI).  I think most of us moms will acknowledge that the grooming in general can get a little sparse.  That doesn’t mean we don’t groom, but certain areas get a bit neglected.  (I’d argue “quality over quantity” except that doesn’t really work for… um… hair removal.)   

So I ask you this: If a good portion of female age-bearing consumers actually HAS children, why, oh WHY are there NO mom friendly shorts available?  (And please, nobody point out that I can find plenty of baggy, pleated, above-the-waist monstrosities in the Newport catalog, aka “mom” jeans.  That’s just not the look I want to sport, thank you.)  Why am I bringing this up?  Because summer came on quick out here and I realized that not only did I not have hot-weather clothes for Chance, but that everything that fit me last summer doesn’t fit anymore (and the clothes from the summer before that? Forget about it).  So we went shopping.

All I really want is a pair of jean shorts that are neither at the knee (I’m not a Puritan for god sakes) or have a three inch inseam (i.e. an inseam appropriate for my one-year-old son’s shorts).  Is it too much to ask for a pair of shorts that aren’t cut too low (or too high) in the waist and come down mid-leg?  I mean, really, it’s not that hard.  I would even be happy with the teeny bopper shorts if they could just add on a few more inches to the inseam. I really, really, really don’t want to NEED a bikini wax every time I put on a pair of shorts.  Or to keep my legs crossed all the time.  Or to never bend over.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the bikini wax, best grooming invention ever (trust me, try one and you’ll love it – it only hurts a little), but I just don’t always have that kind of time.

And just ‘cause I’m a mom doesn’t mean I want to wear only capris (with a matching sweater set, hat, and flip flops – coordinating garden gloves also available) all the time. Sorry, but some states in the US of A are HOT in the summer! Too damn hot for much else besides shorts.  Neither do I want to wear only loose floral dresses.  Or boxy jumpers.  And if anyone mentions skirts with a toddler I’m gonna roll on the floor laughing.  It seems like everything comes down to two options: boxy, shapeless clothes, also known as the “I give up” category, or the clothes-cut-just-like-the-teenager’s, only in bigger sizes.

 

I’m thinking we need a whole new line of women’s clothing.  A line for moms’ that aren’t “mom clothes”.  Clothing that not only flatters our new shapes after childbirth (and that means seaming, people) but a line that remembers that we can’t always visit the spa for a “clean-up” every time we want to lounge out in the sun.  This line could also carry tank tops that actually cover your bra straps (or at least sell bras that don’t so obviously look like bras, maybe).  Other criteria for this miracle line of clothing: affordable, stylish, stain resistant, stores not blaring generic techno-esque R&B beats (what is that stuff? the new muzak?). Catalog would be great because who wants to shop with the kids anyways?  (However, given the several-size-changes we go through after pregnancy their return policy would need to be very flexible.)  I’m pretty sure we could get Stacy and Clinton to fully endorse this line (as long as we had appropriate footwear, of course).

And if the fashion industry cries, all “boohoo, we’re losing style to practicality”… well, fine. Here’s another idea: you wanna keep your short shorts?  Then you better introduce full service in the stores.  I’m talking an aesthetician with the hot wax waiting with every purchase of shorts.   

            - the weirdgirl


Chunky Poop

This really is the perfect name for a rock band, don’t you think?  It’s funny, it’s edgy.  It could be the fun, don’t-take-themselves-too-seriously pop rock band who does Gap commercials. Or it could be the hardcore punk or metal group with the out-of-control concerts, slinging stuff at the crowds.  (It probably couldn’t be Jack Johnson, but then who can?)  Either way Chunky Poop has got hipster written all over it.  (Or maybe pre-written, like when they’re still “it’s all about the music” indie and haven’t sold out yet.)  Of course anyone smart enough to pick a name such as Chunky Poop would be savvy about paving the way to selling out even as they hold on to their stick-it-to-the-man roots. Visualize the “I Like Chunky Poop” t-shirts, or the bumper stickers: “I Got Me Some Chunky Poop”.

Anyway,  HOW did I come up with such marketing brilliance, you ask?  Well, it involved my son… and some carrots.  And thus continues the adventures of my son eating grown-up food.  Having a bit of time on your hands helps as well.

So really, am I the only one who would wear a Chunky Poop t-shirt?  ‘Cause I think there’s a real (hilarious) market here.             - wg


Psychological Fashion Crisis

Lately I’ve been feeling rebellion stirring deep in my soul.  It rears its ugly head at strange times, prodding me towards revolution.  It’s so ridiculous because it’s not as if I’m rebelling against some imposed new order.  I’ve actually been doing something similar to what I’m rebelling against all along (did that make sense?).  I even know I’m being a hypocrite about the whole thing.  But I still can’t quell the rebellion.  I’m talking about “mom clothes”. 

Previous to being a mom, I did not feel that some of the items in my closet were “mom clothes” but now… now they kind of feel that way (to me the fashion judas).  My day-to-day pre-baby clothing tended to be variations of wash and wear knit tops and jeans.  (OK, I do wear more heels than some.)  I was very comfortable in this attire, they felt good and they looked good.  Now I get hit with these strange rebellious streaks… some days I feel a strong urge to wear a satin bustier top for no particular reason.  Other days I feel a compelling drive to buy white sailor pants.  (Crazy woman!)  Suddenly my clothes, the clothes that I’ve HAD and loved, seem boring and practical.       

It started when I needed to go out and buy athletic shoes.  It hurt (a little), but I bought the shoes.  I also bought a pair of round-toed, lace-up, stacked pumps at the same time (oh, so CUTE!).  Then I noticed that the other moms were wearing track pants and hoodies, whereas I’ve been in jeans and sweaters.  Their choice of outfits made sense to me because we would all get hot on our walks (the whole two I’ve gone on) and you could strip off layers.  I started eyeing hoodies… but only the ones with skulls on them.  (Which, by the way, are not found in the usual places that you buy athletic clothing.  However, I blame the skull obsession fully on all the nouveau mod kids who are wearing stuff that looks just like the stuff I used to wear in high school and makes me wander into the rock clothing stores.  I can’t help I get nostalgic.)  The track pants… OK, I don’t think I’ll be able to wear those.  But see?  I’ve been making some mutinous purchasing decisions, because no matter how cute either of them are, I just don’t think the pink round-toed pumps and the black skull hoodie are going to go together.  (Because even with a studded belt to tie it in, black and pink are SO done.)

I’m not sure what’s wrong with me.  Suddenly I’m too good for my own clothes?   I’m still wearing them, I still like them even, but in my heart of hearts I’ve been feeling fickle.  I’ve been sneaking peaks at the other garments out there, the “non-mom” garments (whatever those are).  I know this is purely psychological.  (And it’s not like I’m judging what the other moms are wearing, because some of them look damn cute.)  I think I’m at the point where I’m having a conflict between my “mom” role and my previous self-identity.  Only it’s a little late… and it involves clothing.  (I never said I was normal.)  Maybe this is coming up because on the few occasions I get to leave the house I like to look nice?  Maybe it’s because I just can’t wear suede without getting baby glop on it.  Maybe I’m just sick of winter.  I don’t know.  I just know I’m feeling antsy and disobedient and I don’t want to wear my mom clothes (previous sweat comment aside).

So how do I get through this period without wiping out my bank account?  And it will pass, won’t it?           - the weirdgirl


Where Did All the Kitsch Go?

Monday night I will be going to a Bon Jovi concert.  That’s right.  BON JOVI!  I’m thinking about teasing/feathering my hair, wearing tapered jeans, and maybe an oversized sweat shirt with a metal belt.  In turquoise.  With black zebra stripes.  Sadly almost all of these things can be found again in stores. (Oh, you say, but we are doing them SO much better now! Yeah right.) 

Honestly, I had a certain fondness for the styles of the 80s for a very long time.  I’d ooh and ah when I stumbled across vintage 80s-wear at thrift stores.  I have an 80s costume for Halloween that I wore out in public.  I have a certain love for kitsch, of things so over-the-top there is an inherent fabulousness to them.  I just find the ballsy-ness of it all entertaining.  In my mind’s eye I picture all those (old thirty-something) Bon Jovi fans wearing the latest “vintage” black rock t-shirts and distressed jeans that can be found (not at the rock clothing shop) but at GAP and Lucky Jeans, and then me floating through them in true 80s clothing – the hot pink tights, grommetted mini-skirt, and leather jacket with HUGE shoulder pads (yes, I’ve still got one) a homage, if you will, to all things 80s – I think that would be HILARIOUS!

But see, nobody ever gets the humor but me.  I would be lucky if ONE person came up to me laughing.  And it would be a chick, probably wearing her satin bomber jacket from high school.

Now when I see the 80s clothing rehashed in the stores I find I’m not so enamored of it anymore.  It seems to have lost its sparkle, its fabulous moxie is not the same.  *sigh*  Or maybe I’m just growing up.  (Though I DO love all the punk clothing coming back!  Oh, those little punk boys… so cute!)

We just really need some fabulousness back in the world again.       – the weirdgirl


Walking the Line

I’ve made it to ONE of the local playgroup’s walks so far.  (I only started my “preview month” two weeks ago, but you know, with the roof and everything.)  The two ladies I met were really nice so I’m hoping to make it to at least two walks a week.  However, at this initial walk one thing did become blindingly clear… I have NO athletic footwear.  It’s not even that I don’t have suitable athletic footwear for true walkers, because yes, these ladies DO walk (and they book it, too).  No.  I have no athletic footwear!  As I was digging through my closet I realized I have very little footwear that does not involve some sort of heel.  I was a little stumped.  Believe it or not, I actually do work out.  It just so happens that a lot of the workouts I do (such as squats, lunges, my elliptic trainer, and of course, the good ol’ hoola hoop) can be done in cheapo Target ked-like shoes (what we used to call “tennies”) or in bare feet.  (Please, no heart attacks from all of you jocks out there.)

I AM aware that most of the population lives and dies by their athletic shoes; people love them, they scrounge money to buy a stylish pair, they are emotionally caught up in the brand, the construction, the “specially designed for their sport of choice” uniqueness of each athletic shoe.  But not me.  (In fact, I even remember being in a cultural diversity class in college and the instructor pointing out that the American uniform tends to be jeans, t-shirts, and athletic shoes. He said, “Hey, how often do you see a pair of hard-soled shoes on an American?”  I looked around the class and there WAS one person… oh wait, that was me.)  I went from hard-soled loafer-esque shoes and boots (can you say Doc Martins?) to various high-heeled beauties and basically skipped the whole “American” love affair with athletic gear.  I owned my last pair of athletic shoes in high school (maybe I was traumatized from gym?).  Anything physical up to a few years ago I accomplished in cheap tennies or hiking boots.   

Sadly now, I don’t even have a good pair of hiking boots.  (And I’ve always loved hiking so I don’t know how that happened.)  You would think that at some point I would have bought a pair of athletic shoes and stashed them in the back of the closet for just-in-case athletic events, but then I remembered… oh yeah!… I don’t like athletic shoes!  I think that many of them are ugly, and not only ugly but big and white and heavy and PLASTIC ugly!  That’s why I stopped  buying athletic shoes!  (Actually, come to think of it, that’s why I stopped wearing Doc Martins too… the heavy factor, the bulky shoe.  Basically once you start seeing yourself in the sexy, makes-your-butt-higher-and-your-legs-longer effect of heels, especially comfy heels (yes, they do exist) I think it’s hard to go back.)

But I suppose if I’m going to do a couple of walks a week with the power moms I need to suck it up and buy a pair before I permanently cripple my feet.  Plus, it IS awfully hard to trot along a trail for any length of time in 3 inch (but oh so stylish, and have you seen how good my butt looks?) boots.  I can’t promise that I’ll buy a matching track suit to go with the shoes, however.  It was just in this last year that I bought the first “hoodie” I had worn since, you got it, high school.  Baby steps, people. 

Though make no mistake oh ye who would criticize my choice in parenting footwear, I CAN run in heels!            - the weirdgirl


Christmas Shopping Tip

OK, I forgot to mention this yesterday but… did you know you could buy suede leather jackets at Nordstrom Rack for $25!  DID YOU ALL KNOW THIS?!  Because I didn’t.  $25 bucks!!  I’ve spent that on corduroy jackets and thought I was getting a good deal. 

Of course, I bought two.  One bright red and one khaki.  ‘Cause if you’re going to be blowing money on jackets you don’t need, they might as well be memorable.  I was supposed to be Christmas shopping for other people but… you know how that goes.

So maybe, not that I would know because I’m not up on dead cow, maybe suede is the red-headed stepchild of leather, like the skin near the anus or the udders or something.  I don’t know and I don’t care if maybe I’m wearing the ASS-HIDE of the cow, because, you know what?, these jackets are darn cute.  Fucking, rootin’-tootin’ cute.  And, you men out there?  Totally acceptable gift for Christmas for the women in your life (unless they’re anti-animal-products).  Like this IS one of those surprise gifts you can give that is unexpected and totally cool and your chick will be all impressed that you thought of such a stylin’ gift all by yourself (you don’t have to tell them I told you).  AND FOR $25!!

I’ve got to go there more often.  I didn’t even get to the shoes.          - wg


A Small Rant Regarding Tutus

You know, just because someone puts on a tutu or a crazy wig does not mean they are good at entertaining children.  Seriously.  And… I think what offends me most… not only are they not very good at entertaining children (I swear to god some of these people are failed rock bands thinly disguising their previously original, though crappy, rock songs as “children’s songs” in an attempt to “make it”.  Well hey, I’m gonna tell you, just because you put the word “dream” in the lyrics doesn’t make it especially child-centric, OK?) …but they’re really BAD dressers as well!  I understand how a tutu can be seen as funny and frolic-y and childlike, but that doesn’t mean you just throw it on over any old shit you pulled out of your closet.  Some of these people look like they’re still doing the metal/grunge look, only they’ve added one item in a primary color and a tutu.  Or there are those who just throw several items in primary/vibrant colors together, all mishmash.  Again like they pulled crap randomly from their closet, looked at the pile on the floor, said, “Hey, that looks bright” and put it on.  Shirt, pants, stupid wig, two different colored socks, tutu.  I don’t have anything against people dressing “uniquely” (trust me, I’ve put some unique outfits together in my time) and I don’t think everything has to match but, christ on wheels people, have you ever heard of a color palette?!  Punky Brewster is no longer around for a reason (and I still think she put shit together better than these people).  If you want to pick a look, if you want to wear a costume, pick out a costume… but stop offending those of us with some color-coordinating sensibilities, OK?  Kids have eyes too!               - the weirdgirl, an offended viewer

P.S. That little bee girl from the Blind Melon video did a tutu beautifully. Take a clue.


Closet-Diving

I haven’t tried on any of the skirts I own in months.  Let’s just say the last time I tried this experiment it was a dismal failure.  In 20-20 hindsight, it was probably a little too soon after having the kid (you moms out there know what I’m talking about – jiggle tummy... and jiggle everything else, too).  But… I had started to lose a little weight, at the time I needed a skirt ensemble for going out to dinner, and I was hopelessly, sadly optimistic about the entire venture.  I thought that because some of my skirts were on the large size pre-pregnancy I might be able to still get into them.  Boy, was I wrong.

However, today is a new day and another new weight and I’m feeling up for another dive into the old closet.  With the coming of fall I’ve been feeling very collegiate goth lately –  you know, black tights, chunky sweaters, boots – and I’ve got a little black plaid number in there somewhere that would just do the trick.  I’m also 34, you know.  And I KNOW the What Not To Wear rule, “no miniskirts after 35”.  That only gives me a year to cram in all my miniskirt-wearing adventures.  And yes, you can have adventures in miniskirts, usually proceeded by one-too-many drinks.  (Stacy and Clinton would probably frown on the thigh-high stockings as well.  I guess I should retire those.)

SO!  If this next closet-dive turns out fortuitously, here are the questions for which I am in dire need of answers… If I don’t look 35, can I still get away with wearing miniskirts?  (I’m just trying to extend the adven… ahem, lifetime of the skirts, you see.)  And, if I do wear a miniskirt while pushing my stroller down the street, will that only make me look like a hoochie mom? 

(Classy MILF is OK, however.  I trust you all understand the distinction.)    

         - the weirdgirl


The Cape Exception

I need to make an amendment to the no-cape clause posted early.  I completely forgot about superheroes.  Capes work for superheroes.  I don’t know how this slipped past me, but it did.  Though, I notice superhero capes drape much more nicely than other capes; must be something in the construction, so maybe this is why I don’t lump them in with the usual drama kid variety.  Anyways, I just wanted to say for all the superheroes out there (or the wannabes)… capes are OK.  Just so we’re clear, capes are cool for ‘20s starlets, Gwen Stefani, and superheroes.  I’m sure this was keeping you all up at night.

I was thinking it would be fun to go as a superhero for Halloween this year.  I’ve never done the superhero thing.  But then my son is dressing up as a cow so I was also thinking I should coordinate with him.  Like maybe a milk-maid.  You know, just to up the geek-mom factor.  I guess I could combine the costumes… go as super milk-jug girl or something.  Only without the super-milk jugs.  sigh

It’s funny how, in the back of your mind, you kind of know you’re a bit odd but it doesn’t bother you too much or really intrude in your conscious day to day living.  You think, well everyone’s a little odd.  And then something will occur where you really comprehend, wow, I’m not normal.  Halloween did that for me.  Not in a take-it-way-over-board, live every day like it’s Halloween kind of way (though I have a buddy who spent three months decorating his ENTIRE house for Halloween, including drenching the bathrooms in fake blood, and I have to say he had some bitchin’ BITCHIN’ parties!) but in retrospect.  I love Halloween and enjoyed it just like every other kid.  I loved staying out late, running around loose without supervision, collecting as much candy as possible.  And I always wanted to be a witch.  I thought being a witch was the coolest costume ever.  Made me feel like I was really a part of Halloween.  This never seemed odd to me until all of my friends had kids, and every single little girl I knew over the years at some point wanted to be a princess for Halloween. 

Dressing as a princess NEVER occurred to me. 

Even to me, given the vast array of experiential data I’ve seen with these other little girls, it’s a little odd that I never wanted to be a princess.  It seems like a very usual little girl proclivity.  Especially considering how much I like shoes.  You’d think that would be a princess thing.  But witches did have those cool lace-up boots.  And capes.

Shit, this cape thing keeps fucking me up!  Are there any other cool cape things out there that I’m forgetting?                - the weirdgirl


This is Why I Love Halloween

Damn I’m tired.  Spent too much time at a family function, where it was too hot and too loud and I already started with a headache that just got worse.  Ugh.  On a high note, I’ve been perusing the catalogs for the new fall fashions (always a cheerful endeavor) and I’m glad to say longer shirts are coming back.  Yay!  My tummy was tired of being cold. 

This fall there are lots and lots of really rich-looking clothes with a few different “looks”, such as classic chic, baroque, Russian peasant, etc.  Lots of velvets and brocade and rich colors.  It’s like the whole fashion world is following Anthropologie’s cue.  Now you have to understand, I’m not normally a “run right out and buy the new trend” girl.  I’m more of a “classics that fit well” kind of chick, with a few special items thrown in to spice things up.  You know, because sometimes, let’s face it, the trends don’t work, don’t fit, don’t look good, or are impractical.  (Did I cover all the bases?  Oh wait, there’s also emotional knee-jerk reaction. I forgot that one.)  However, I am LOVING all the fall clothes!  I wasn’t sure why they were so appealing, they just were.  Some of them weren’t even things I would buy.  Then it clicked… I love them because they remind me an awful lot of the clothes I had in my dress-up trunk when I was a little girl.  I loved playing dress-up then, and I still love it now.  Who doesn’t like to play dress-up?  It’s so much fun, you get to be someone different with every outfit (even if it’s only in your head).  And now that we’re adults, we can do it every day if we want to!  OK, every day is a little hard, but “sometimes” if we work at it (and sometimes just for survival’s sake).  I’ve already been plotting to get my hands on a few key pieces and the destinations to wear them out to.  Now I only need a job.  “Mom” doesn’t pay too well, darn it all.

Oh yeah, remember that “emotional knee-jerk reaction”?  I also noticed CAPES were featured.  That’s definitely a no-go.  No matter how luxurious the cape might be I could never wear one.  It reminds me too much of the drama kids from college – but not the cool drama kids who were outrageous and flamboyant and really fun.  No, capes were always worn by the drama kids who took themselves way too seriously, who liked to sneer down their noses at anyone who mentioned theatre (such as, Hey great performance!), and muttered continuously about Shakespeare as if they had a personal relationship with him.  And besides being unpleasant they also just looked dumb.  There, I said it, they looked dumb in capes.  I’m sorry, but the only people who can pull off capes are starlets from the 20s… or Gwen Stefani.  That’s it.

So that’s it, no capes for anyone, no Blue’s Clues, and… um… well, the list will continue.  Next time anyone sees me I, hopefully, will be wearing velvet and tweed, trying to look inconspicuous as I hide from the KGB.  That’ll be my story anyway.  With maybe some brocade heels.  And a fedora for the kid.  Yeah, that’ll do it.

-       the weirdgirl