I messed up. Messed
up something fierce. I thought I was being a good mom but
nope. The whole day was just one mommy
faux pas after another. In retrospect, it was like watching one of those bad action flicks where the hero just keeps screwing up. Really, by now I
should know better.
Here’s how it went down:
11:30 Trip to a new park. I figured that was a good outing before lunch and it would give me a
chance to scope out the local moms/nannies for the best toddler hang-outs in
the new hood. Chance was slow to warm to the other kids but there was
construction near by with a mini
steam roller. (That’s the equivalent of
truck heaven in his book.) Things were
12:15 “OK, kiddo,
we’re going to leave in a few minutes for lunch.” Chance utterly ignores me as he is now
“playing” with other kids. (“Playing”
meaning he finds the only older children in the toddler playground and has to be in their vicinity! Such a groupie for five-year-olds, that one.)
12:30 “All right,
Chance it’s time to leave.” Utter. Meltdown. Complete with lunging, shrieking, and back arching as I tried to get him
into the car seat. Speeches of “I’m
sorry you’re mad, but we’ll come back another time,” fall on deaf ears. Usually the acknowledgement of his fury will
slow down the tantrum. This time, no
dice. The other moms/nannies look at me
12:35 Almost… got…
the seat…. latched! “Hey! Let’s pick up
something new for lunch! Want to go for a ride?” More screams and laser eyes of death.
12:40 Still tears and
protests! This is beyond unusual. At this point it’s starting to sink into my
brain that he must be really ready
for lunch. Duh. Offerings of juice are only met with sobs
between slurps. He finally quiets down
as I arrive at the lunch place, get him out of the car, and walk into the
shopfront. (Yes, the place required that
we walk in. Yes, I know I’m stupid.) I briefly consider sitting down for lunch at
the place for faster food. Abandon idea.
12:45 Order and wait
for food. Try to entertain Chance by
looking at the pretty (but breakable) items in the shopfront. All admonishments of “look, don’t touch!” are
met with willful and determined disobedience. Seriously, he was being a little hellion. Give silent thanks I decided not to eat at
the restaurant. Take Chance outside shop
for remainder of time.
12:55 - 1:00 Back in
car and driving home. I feel pleased (stupid
mommy) because I’ve timed it perfectly to have lunch and get Chance down for a
nap sometime between 1:30 and 2:00, his usual time. I look back to see Chance’s head nodding in
the car seat. Crap! Not so good timing. “Oh, no… Chance! Don’t fall asleep, honey. You haven’t had
The idea of my child going to bed hungry fills me with
guilt. Accelerate driving. “Wake up wake up wake up…”
1:05 I park, rush
into the house and toss him onto the couch, all the while talking like a
cheerleader on speed about the great lunch waiting for him. Take off his shoes. Chance stares at me blurrily then promptly
starts to curl up on the couch for his nap. (He never does this.) “No No No
No!” I grab him again, run into the
kitchen and prop my sleeping child up in
his booster seat at the kitchen table. I arrange his “new” (brilliant fucking me) food as quickly as possible
onto a plate and slap it in front of him.
At the sight of grub he finally perks up enough to eat.
1:20 Lunch time is
done. I transfer Chance immediately to
his bedroom where, after the usual token protest cry, I figure he will collapse
1:30 – 2:30 Chance
plays in his crib. And plays. And plays. He never falls asleep! (At least
he wasn’t screaming.) Normally he takes
a 2-3 hour nap at this time so we all get a break. I get him up but he was obviously tired and a
bit of a brat the rest of the day. I,
and my crappy timing, effectively screwed up his (and my) whole schedule.
Bad mommy. Baaaaaad!
Lesson learned: LET
(Really, I should have had my parenting license revoked for
violating this one. And it wasn’t even early
morning - my usual WPT (worst parenting time).)
Hey kids! Can you find the other Mommy Mistakes wg made on this fateful day? Just jot down your answers on a 4x6 card along with your name, age, and address and mail it to: What A Dork, Anywhere, US, and YOU could be entered to win fabulous prizes! Including a grand prize trip to Parenting Camp 101! Enter now!