The Evil Laugh Goes, "Mauve Mauve Mauve!"
I Don't Want to Jinx Myself...

Remember Kids... Don't Google and Blog

I seemed to have tweaked a muscle in my collarbone.  I wasn't even doing anything, just sitting at a meeting and when I moved it felt funny.  I didn't think pulling that particular area was even possible.  I mean, I can't flex my breasts like Dwayne Johnson can.  Especially not both girls separately.  He really gets them going so that seems like he would pull a boob eventually.  (I suppose I should call them "pecs" but that just seems silly.  We all know he's boob popping.)  I figure there must be a gene that lets you isolate those muscles.  One I don't have.  (I had to immediately go google that by the way.  If the government is really tracking all of our google searches then I bet there's a file on me somewhere that is a real interesting read.  (Google results were, sadly, inconclusive.  But don't worry Google, even though you let me down, I still love you.))  I also don't have that gene for rolling your tongue into a straw.  But despite that I HAVE taught myself to sort of whistle weakly!  Like an airy, tuned hiss.  I am very proud of that.  I can do two, maybe three notes.  I might, someday, be even able to do a limited variety of bird calls!  A girl can dream.

I guess I'm kind of addicted to internet searches.  I google stuff all the time!  Sometimes I go to bed and then something pops in my head and I have to look it up or I can't sleep.  Have you ever tried to sneak google so your family doesn't catch you?  (Me too!)  I'd like to say I can quit at any time but I'm not sure that's true.  I blame it on my parents and the educational system.  I collect knowledge like a magpie.  Then I promptly forget that knowledge because I'm old and I have to google it again.  It's an addiction that feeds itself!  Well, I do remember random juicy facts like platypuses only have one working ovary and toilets come in different heights.  Because I totally need to know both of those. (Actually, the toilet one comes in handy. I'm short.)

Anywho, if I've really pulled a muscle in my collarbone a quick search says I need to stick rice on it?  Wait, no, that's an acronym, R.I.C.E.  Yeah, that's too much work.  Did I mention that I have a short attention span?

Holy shit, I just googled the rolling tongue gene and it's been debunked!!  Our educational system LIED!

Comments

 Jeanne

" Don't"? But it's funny!

Felicia

I'm rolling laughing at the boob popping.

And I google *everything* too. My poor search history looks like some crazy eccentric person's been let onto a computer...well I guess that's not far off the mark. I often google any thought that runs through my overactive brain. What did we ever do without Google at our fingertips?
Recent searches in just the last two days include Egyptian exhibits in the southern United States, is fuschia red or purple (closer to purple), is Kobe sauce the same as yum yum sauce (it is), can you get ringworms from cats (you can), how to hold a crochet hook (visual guide for my younger child) and Instagram blogger embedding code.

I'm glad I somehow stumbled across your blog!

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