Silience
The weight of light on a rainy day

Job Opening

It's that time of year again.  New year, same old crap to sort through!  I really really really want an intern to clean out my email for me.  And yes, before you ask, I only clean my inbox about once a year, sometimes twice.  Because it takes a looong time.  And it is boring.  And I get mouse shoulder from all the clicking.  And did I mention boring?  I suppose if I had racier emails it would be more entertaining but I don't.  Maybe I should start an illicit pen pal affair.  Preferably with someone who is slightly outrageous and inappropriately funny, but also kind of unreliable.  Then when I got an email it would always be a pleasant and titillating surprise!  That'd be kind of awesome.  So... any takers?  I mean, for the intern.  I really need to clean my email.  I'll pay $10 an hour plus cookies.  No?

It's especially bad this time of year because of all the holiday ads.  I probably have at least 1000 ad emails alone.  I try to unsubscribe everywhere you can unsubscribe but you cannot order a SOCK without them putting you on the list again!  I mean, that's just unproductive, marketing to the cheapo buying socks.  You're much better off targeting the person who spent $500 on a sweater instead of hanging out in my inbox unread.  Although, I admit, some of the cluttering emails are for good causes that I stay subscribed to totally out of guilt. Like the Red Cross. I know where their office is to volunteer or take a class. But I feel bad for their volunteer marketing teams, because you know it's a bunch of college kids just trying to get enough experience to land their first job, so I keep getting their emails even though I don't want them. (I'm helping!) I used to get emails from some of the civil rights advocacy groups*, too. But then their emails starting getting really obnoxious, like super demanding and kind of needy.  And righteous.  Righteous obnoxiousness is the worst!  Like reformed smokers** or those people who make everything into smoothies.  I mean, seriously, stop making cheeseburgers into smoothies!  It's not healthier because you put it in a blender!  Just eat it regular-like!  Maybe stop halfway through and eat some veggies!  DAMN!  It's not that hard!

Unlike cleaning my email, which, since no interns have applied, I suppose I'll have to do.  (le sigh)  Maybe I'll just do an alphabet letter a day, like all the Zs first.  If I start backwards the emails won't have a chance to multiply, right?

Yeah, that makes sense.               - wg

 

*I support your cause, not your attitude.

**Just kidding, I love reformed smokers. You are my jam!

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