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December 2018
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February 2019

Job Opening

It's that time of year again.  New year, same old crap to sort through!  I really really really want an intern to clean out my email for me.  And yes, before you ask, I only clean my inbox about once a year, sometimes twice.  Because it takes a looong time.  And it is boring.  And I get mouse shoulder from all the clicking.  And did I mention boring?  I suppose if I had racier emails it would be more entertaining but I don't.  Maybe I should start an illicit pen pal affair.  Preferably with someone who is slightly outrageous and inappropriately funny, but also kind of unreliable.  Then when I got an email it would always be a pleasant and titillating surprise!  That'd be kind of awesome.  So... any takers?  I mean, for the intern.  I really need to clean my email.  I'll pay $10 an hour plus cookies.  No?

It's especially bad this time of year because of all the holiday ads.  I probably have at least 1000 ad emails alone.  I try to unsubscribe everywhere you can unsubscribe but you cannot order a SOCK without them putting you on the list again!  I mean, that's just unproductive, marketing to the cheapo buying socks.  You're much better off targeting the person who spent $500 on a sweater instead of hanging out in my inbox unread.  Although, I admit, some of the cluttering emails are for good causes that I stay subscribed to totally out of guilt. Like the Red Cross. I know where their office is to volunteer or take a class. But I feel bad for their volunteer marketing teams, because you know it's a bunch of college kids just trying to get enough experience to land their first job, so I keep getting their emails even though I don't want them. (I'm helping!) I used to get emails from some of the civil rights advocacy groups*, too. But then their emails starting getting really obnoxious, like super demanding and kind of needy.  And righteous.  Righteous obnoxiousness is the worst!  Like reformed smokers** or those people who make everything into smoothies.  I mean, seriously, stop making cheeseburgers into smoothies!  It's not healthier because you put it in a blender!  Just eat it regular-like!  Maybe stop halfway through and eat some veggies!  DAMN!  It's not that hard!

Unlike cleaning my email, which, since no interns have applied, I suppose I'll have to do.  (le sigh)  Maybe I'll just do an alphabet letter a day, like all the Zs first.  If I start backwards the emails won't have a chance to multiply, right?

Yeah, that makes sense.               - wg

 

*I support your cause, not your attitude.

**Just kidding, I love reformed smokers. You are my jam!


Silience

Christmas is over and I am sadly relieved.  It is always such a rush and a crash and a conundrum to get everything DONE!  And while you are doing so everything else from your previous non-holiday life stops, whether you intended to stop or not.  Somehow I forget that every year, how all-consuming it can be.  Like the memory repressing hormone that kicks in while you're pregnant, only for gift wrapping and baking and frantic cleaning before guests arrive.  You remember the jolly instead of the exhaustion.  Or part of me remembers, but it sort of lurks in the background, blocked by holiday laughter and pretty bows.  And then suddenly it's all over.  But before you quite catch your breath the New Year is here and you have to start all the things that stopped again.  Plus, whatever the plans are for the future.

Oy. Deep breath now.

But you know, in the end... all those people and all that love, I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Perfect link at the perfect time.