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There are no new messages

My computer just told me, "We're sorry we cannot accept this data."  Who the hell is "we" and how many of them are in my laptop?

Last day of the year, yo.  So here's the plan... I will imbue this entire day with deep meaning and symbolism, mixed with lofty goals and hopeful nostalgia. I shall then party late into the night to watch the ball drop in some distant city and at some point possibly write drunken poetry about the years going by and wrinkly skin, which I will plan to share with all of you convinced in my drunken haze that it will be the smash hit poem of the year.  (Because didn't you know about smash hit poetry?)  The next day I will wake up vaguely disappointed and depressed, not sure if it's because of all the damn symbolism or just the hangover talking.  I will decide it's a message from fate and I'll reread the drunken poem of the night before only to discover, dude, it's about wrinkles.  Then I will totally cop an attitude and mouth off platitudes such as, "age is only a state of mind" and "most successful people are jerks" and "I don't care anyway".

Or I'll just rock out to some good tunes and bee people.  Holla!



Seriously people

If it wasn't for all you other fine foks online - the friends, the writers, the blogging visionaries, everyone who shares a little bit of their personal time to connect and share with others - I wouldn't still be doing this blog after all this time. You guys really make the Internet worth visiting.  Here's wishing you all the best in the coming year!

Happy Holidays and love from the weirdgirl, Keen Dad, & Chance!

Xmas card 2010 4x6 copy


Hands down, the best thing about school winter break?  I don't have to drive anywhere!  And that is a HELL to the YEAH!  Sure, there's the Christmas stuff to finish but there is no rule saying I have to do any of it first thing in the morning.  In fact, I'm pretty sure leisurely mornings are a requirement for true holiday spirit.  Like when you don't get enough sleep your skin starts turning green and suddenly a dog appears wearing a stick on his head and trying to please you way too hard. That happened one year. That poor dog had mange.

Right at this moment, my son is downstairs being extra quiet!  Watching a cartoon he knows he's not supposed to be watching.  (We've temporarily banned any fighting-rich cartoons.)  But I'm gonna let it slide because 1) I didn't catch him in time and 2) I not only got to sleep in today but now I can get dressed in private.

I feel a Christmas carol coming on!

          - wg

I don't get the elf thing

I keep seeing elf references everywhere.  In homes, on mantels.  (You know what? Apparently, I can't spell mantel. I just had to go look it up.)  Dancing electronically.  I think I'm missing some huge elven back story here.  Like that Elf on the Shelf.  About the 100th time we saw that bub on the Hub, Chance turns to me and says,

"That is the worst cartoon ever!"

Me, perplexed: "I think it's supposed to be a commercial. See, there's a website?"

Chance: "WORST EVER!"

And then I see references on blogs about "Our elf is missing!  He's off to Santa!"  What?  Soooooo... these elves are hanging out spying on us?  Like, behavior narcs?  Is that the deal with the elves? 

Because that is just creepy.  Do their eyes follow you around the room?  *shudder*  I'd much prefer my elves remanded to the North Pole sweat shop, thanks.  

             - wg

Before I congratulate myself...

I almost forgot about this year's family newsletter!  Here I thought I was so slick getting ahead on gifts and wrapping.  Anywho, here is last year's letter while I start making up a line of hooey.

That's a little sad, isn't it?  My only two consistent yearly events are making fun of swimsuits and fabricating a life for my family.  I use the Internet well.


Dear Friends and Loved Ones,

We hope this letter finds you well and that you are enjoying the many pleasures of the season.  I am sad to report that the wg/Keen household has suffered some hardship this year.  Chance’s beloved pet Brachiosaurus passed away, leaving Chance heartbroken and bereft of Jurassic companionship.  Many of you may not have been aware that a dinosaur had become a member of our family, so briefly was dear Ned with us.  (We only obtained him because of that unfortunate dinner party with Will Ferrell.  Don’t ask!)  However, a more warm and generous spirit in a cold-blooded sauropod could not be found and Ned quickly made his place in our hearts. 

Unfortunately, it seems that dinosaurs in general are quite susceptible to modern viruses and Ned, still being a baby, (how else would we have fit him in the backyard, after all?) was doubly so.  He was only with us for six short months before flu season hit.

Of course the authorities did not believe for one second that Ned was a Brachiosaurus and they carted away his body for study, muttering something about mutated hippos and/or puppy farms.  Ghastly local public access camera crews were everywhere (which our disgruntled cats mugged for all their worth). We were horrified that the wg/Keen family might be so maligned!

But it all worked out for the best!  It turns out that while dinosaurs are susceptible to the common cold, something about the sauropods’ large size also provides them with a natural cancer immunity!  The extensive research done by the Stanford medical community (once the SPCA admitted defeat) uncovered a unique genome that can easily be incorporated into modern gene therapy techniques.  And since our pending lawsuit was looming regarding the illegal seizing of our deceased pet, Stanford has agreed to include us on all the lucrative patents!

So while we dearly miss Chance’s sweet, ponderous playmate, the countless lives that will benefit the world over from his untimely sniffles more than makes up for his loss.  It’s nothing short of a Christmas miracle!  Plus, now we don’t have to scavenge for so much vegetation.

We hope you and yours are well and that you have many blessings in the New Year.  Merry Christmas to you all!


the wg/Keen family

My son got in a fight at school today and was suspended for the day.  When I walked into the office I heard, several times, that on the playground "he was running around hitting kids".  They made it sound like he had gone wild.  Chance was hysterical.  When I finally got him to calm down I asked him why he was fighting. Because that was the question that popped in my mind because even though, granted, my son is too handsy, too touchy, and he plays too rough for a lot of kids - there still are other boys who play, or enjoy playing, just as rough - I've never known him to just start hitting kids randomly for no reason.   

It turns out three to four other boys were calling him names, ganging up on him.

Neither of these behaviors is acceptable.

I am so frustrated. And tired. And I'm starting to get angry.