On pies and turkeys and other crap on my phone
Letting go of blogs doesn't mean letting go of bloggers

30 Days of Truth - Days 3 & 4, Now with extra bitterness

I'm doing this one together so you can really see the hypocrisy! 

Day 03 - Something you have to forgive yourself for

I'm still in the middle of this so it's all emotionally muddled, but I've been trying to get pregnant for three years now.  Even though I know intellectually there were/are circumstances beyond anyone's control I'm pretty sure forgiveness (or lack thereof) is going to come up at some point. Or maybe the lack thereof is just ongoing.  It has moved past the point of "I want another child".  I really feel like Chance deserves a sibling; that it would be good for him, that it would be good for our family.  I have not been deemed infertile.  Everything should work but hasn't.  I did get pregnant, once, just this summer and had a miscarriage... on the way to BlogHer!  I drank and danced quite a bit in NY.  I hadn't drank anything in so long.  I've gotten awfully good at suppressing over the last few years.  It's hard to talk about forgiveness when you're still working through it.  Anyway, this prompt is supposed to be about what we have to forgive ourselves for and not about any actual forgiving, right?

I have an end date in mind that I'm coming up on soon. Because of my advancing age and rotten eggs.  I can't even frame words around that yet.

Day 04 - Something you have to forgive someone for

No.  In general, I am pretty damn forgiving and supportive.  I measure by a bigger range of what constitutes understandable human error than most people I know.  Everyone is fallible.  Mistakes are made - circumstances, mental/emotional health, lack of maturity/forethought all contribute to mistakes and we grow (or should) from them.  However, there IS a line and if you cross it I'm not forgiving.  That's God's job.  I can understand letting it go.  I can understanding not letting other people's past actions affect your day to day happiness.  But excusing the behavior?  No.  Plus, there's something about forgiveness that's become Hollywoodized and I don't trust it.  The big tearful moments of confrontation, the exclamations, the hugs?  Who is that for?  The person doing the forgiving or the person being forgiven?  Or everyone watching?  It seems made up.  Like the idea of honor, which as far as I can figure has always just been an excuse for men to do awful and violent things to each other.  In real life I think my line of unacceptable is reasonable, and I think people who know me would agree.  So yeah, I might sound like a rigid bitch but I don't see any reason why I should forgive people who've crossed that line.

And THAT'S how fucked up I am!

For the record, that line is in the "hurting children" category, not the "she scammed on my boyfriend" category.                    - wg

Comments

pixiemama

love.

Elly Lou

what pixiemama said.

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