Pulling it out of my a... creative unconscious
The real conspiracy

Glued to my hip

A strange phenomenon is happening as I get older… I’m becoming a bag lady. Well, in truth, I’ve always been a bag lady. I was condemned to walk this path from the time my virgin hands clutched that first purse. Red, it was, spaghetti strap handle, barely big enough to hold an iced cherry chapstick, my allowance, and a compact with the entirely wrong shade of powder (ah, 80s makeup jaw line, I remember you well!). That purse went with me everywhere.

So it’s not really a surprise, is it, that that purse was eventually replaced with another. And then another, into a long succession of can’t-live-withouts.

Here’s the thing… I’ve always considered myself a compact sort of girl. I like small silverware, small chairs, small cars, and above all small purses. You carry too big of a purse and you’re just bound to carry a bunch of crap you don’t need. (And being slightly packrat-ish I needed to fight that at all costs.) Plus, I’m a petite woman and a huge purse just makes me look like I’m gonna fall over.

So, you know, when the ginormous purses came out as the “it” bag I wasn’t having none of it. Anything that was “go anywhere satchel”-sized was just too damn big. Purses big enough to carry a portfolio in, or a few dozen groceries, were completely out of the picture. If I needed to carry my computer, I took along a computer bag… and my small purse. If I needed a diaper bag, I took along a diaper bag… and my small purse.

But something definitely changed along the path. I didn’t happen right after the baby, it was more insidious than that. I had noticed that my purses had gotten slightly larger over the years, oh very slightly, since that first bright red bag. Which is natural considering eventually I had more than five bucks to spend, and learned how to put on more makeup than chapstick. I really starting seeing a difference right around when Chance turned two…

I got really sick of carrying around two bags.

Slowly but surely, I started using totes to consolidate all my goodies. (Totes are the gateway purse, you know.) I didn’t need quite as many supplies for Chance but I still needed some. Then, the next purse I bought was a little bigger, just because all those pictures were stretching my wallet out a bit. Then the next purse (yes, I have a collection)… well you can see where this is going.

For Christmas Keen bought me this kick-ass Marc Jacobs bag. I LOVE it! (I didn’t even ask for a purse this year. He is just an extra special man.) And it’s pretty much the biggest purse I’ve ever owned. (Which still, compared to all the “it” bags, isn’t even all that big.) But I had some trepidation – given the small woman weighted down against hurricanes look. Except…

It fits ALL my stuff! (Oh yeah, baby just like that.) I’ve pretty much been carrying that purse alone everywhere. I even mentioned to Keen that I’d love one in the same size in black.

So that’s it… I’m definitely on a downward slope. I’ll be that old lady who needs a shopping cart to push her purse around, I just know it. With blue hair and a million sweaters. (Nah, I’ll go for peach hair. Rock on Dame Edna!)

Don’t worry, I’ve made peace with the situation. However, promise if I start carrying around small pets, somebody will slap me.
               - wg

Stay tuned for improv stuff coming soon! Courtesy of the wild imaginings of ShutterBitch.

Comments

Godmother

The second you start carrying around a small pet, I will slap you. Because that is what friends are for. And I am, if nothing else your friend!! I promise not to slap too hard. Wouldn't want you falling over because my slap sent you out of balance with that big-ass purse you carry!

Oh and BTW; thanks for my kick-ass red bag. I love it. And so does Jazzy. I caught her trying to take it to school the other day. Rotten thief that she is! She did have a point however; it matched her shoes.

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)

I have a collection of purses. I quite think if I had one less shirt in my closet, the number of purses would equal the number of clothing items in there. A lot of them are big, because I'm shoving books and magazines and hand held toys and action figures and water bottles in them, but what I love the most, and often gravitate toward, are hand-held doctor bag-sized bags. It's the only way I can stop myself from taking my living around with me to so sit at a basketball game!

Evyl

Just don't start carrying a pet in the bag. That is just too strange.

Jess

Can I borrow him for awhile? You know, long enough to get my own Marc Jacobs? Because honestly...that'd be worth giving up all the hotness that I think Huz has. And now that I think about it-how does your husband even KNOW who Marc Jacobs is? Was there a class you sent him to? An online course or something?

the weirdgirl

Godmother - I knew you were a good friend! And I can totally see Jazzy stealing your bag. Just don't take her to go see Confessions of a Shopaholic... she might get ideas!

FADKOG - Apparently, Keen was looking at a doctor bag first. I might have to get one of those in black!

Evyl - I love animals but I just don't see any reason for carrying them around!

Jess - I'm thinking about starting a service... I rent out my husband, he goes purse shopping. I bet we'll make a killing!

Kitty Pascual

and you used to make fun of my bags big enough for a full sized school notebook, my lunch, a bottle, wipes, drugs, wallet, checkbook, etc. mommy

Mrs C

Oh my god. I had a tote bag that fits all my stuff and then I decided that I needed to compromise (what with all the metro riding I do) because my back was totally going to shit what with carrying around all my crap. I'm back to two bags again.

And a lighter, slightly less cool, coat.

Le sigh.

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