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October 2008
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December 2008

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Wishing you and all your friends and families the very best holiday. (Now that we're on the official day it's OK to be a sappy schmuck.)  Have a safe, happy, and absolutely stuffed day.

My computer's hard drive just keeled over like a turkey having a heart attack, so I'm just going with an oldie but (in my eyes) a goodie.  Take care, everybody!           - wg

Little turkeys grow so big so fast!

Chance roast

Chance roast 2

Oops, I forgot to write a title

First off, I just want to let you all know that I'm not nearly as depressed as the last couple of posts probably make it seem.  However, I did say that I didn't want to hold back so much and the flip side to being (sorta) funny is the occasional depressing poetry.  I know, I'm SUCH a downer!  But then I get the depressed part out of my system and I bounce right back to being absurd.  I'm a little bi-polar that way.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

Anywho.  In a belated attempt to be technically responsible and protect my computer from holiday-shopping-inspired viruses I resubscribed to my anti-virus software.  That crap has been downloading, uninstalling, installing and whatever else it's doing since yesterday. I fear it is jacking my shit up. I am now typing on Keen's computer, bereft of all my notes of what I was really going to write about.   

So in the spirit of... um... typing on the fly, and the fact that it can get a bit stressful with the holidays, what with crazy relatives and all, I think we should all say the things we are  really thankful for... but not all that big shit, like you know health, and family, and so on.  'Cause, come on, if we're not already thankful for those things then we're just a bunch of schmucks.  I mean, the shit that we are thankful for right this very second, the stuff that makes us warm a little in the midst of all the craziness.  For example...

I am thankful for this grande chai latte that I am drinking.  It is creamy and delicious.  And it gives me an oh so pleasant buzz.  Thank you Mr. Chai!

I am also thankful I will not be cooking for Thanksgiving.  (Sorry honey.)

I am thankful Keen WILL be cooking.  (yummy)

Keen says he's thankful he is not at work.  And he's chopping up mushrooms and stuff, which seems to make him happy.

I am thankful that my hair is looking rather nice today despite the humidity.

I am thankful for Weezer.

And finally, I am thankful for the $70 of Nordstrom gift certificates that I recently won (I KNOW!) that I am about to go spend on other people.

I actually really like spending money on other people, so I guess I'm thankful for that, too.

What are the things that are making you feel good right now?  Feel free to list them as the day goes on.  I'd love to hear them.
                   - the weirdgirl

Every month I feel the bubble,
I feel it, skin-thin,
and when it breaks
it oozes,
oozes muddied self in a puddle,
sticky and mournful and unpleasant smelling.
I am forever reduced to goo.

Everything is round,
all membrane and mucus,
then spilled onto the mundane floor
and swallowed there,
sunbleached white on white wood planks.
Damn lines all straight and neat.

Where is the spark?
My electric jolt?
As I sit
in this mediocre house,
walking my mediocre mile,
in this mediocre life
with my mediocre smiles.

           - wg

View of the crumbling difference…

Word is there is a huge rally happening tomorrow in Sacramento at the California State Capitol Building to protest the discrimination being written into our state constitution with the passing of Prop 8. I wish I could be there. The California Supreme Court will also hear challenges to Prop 8 and I read that there should be a decision no later than June. (I’ve also heard that lots of folks are hoping the court will rule before Obama’s inauguration, but I’m not holding my breath it will be that fast or simple.)

I’ve felt remiss for not blogging more about Prop 8, but the truth is I was just too depressed about it passing. (And then I got sick and I was even more depressed.) To me this is a civil rights issue, plain and simple. Discrimination, no matter how “innocently” (i.e. passive-aggressively) it’s phrased, no matter what tactics are used to get it passed, is still discrimination. Targeting one group over another is discriminatory, regardless of how you build or justify your opinion. Not that I’m bashing anyone who holds an opinion different to mine. This is MY soapbox but I respect that everyone has the right to their own viewpoint. I just don’t want one group of individuals to force me to have their viewpoint.

The other reason I held back on writing is I wanted to wade through the slew of after-shock reactions and protest plans (some of them very knee-jerk) to find which were the real and positive calls to action. Many of us have seen the online petitions circulating and so on - I’ve even signed them - but are those going to do much to help change things legally? No. I was also really saddened to hear that some churches were being targeted and defaced in the aftermath. Even if some people voted a particular way because of their religious views, that doesn’t mean we should turn around and bash churches. It’s just not cool, and it’s fighting disrespect with more disrespect. (Plus, I know none of you know this, but I was an altar girl for nearly ten years, and youth group president at one point, thank you very much.)

So here is some real info for those who want to get involved. The website to go to for info, news updates, events, and where you can sign up to help is Equality California. (I’ve already signed up to help gather signatures if and when it is needed. It feels good.)  And for the rally tomorrow…

Unity in Diversity
Peaceful Outreach and Rally

Saturday, November 22

2:00 p.m.

California State Capital
West Steps

Let’s do this the right way, people. Peace out!
             - the weirdgirl

Breaking News

My dryer smells like poo. That’s right, you heard me. I opened it to put in a new load (snick) and got a big whiff of burnt shit. Not that I’m some pervy secret burnt nugget sniffer, I’ve never actually breathed deep of the essence of burning poop per se, but I have smelled things that are burning and I know what shit smells like and, trust me, the combination is distinctive.

This is kinda chappin’ my hide.

Because either:

1) the universe is laughing its ass off by replacing poop filled pants with a poop smelling dryer; (just to fuck with me. Because the universe says it’s all fine but I know it’s still mad about that ham delivery incident when we were roommates in college. Hello, I didn’t know it would be a live pig! Get OVER it!) (By the way, the universe snores. And steals pop tarts.)

2) we need a new dryer (which I just hadn’t planned on purchasing for Christmas); or

3) the dryer has gained sentience and is eating my clothes (because feces = food intake), and it will probably soon start slouching around the house, being all sullen and mouthy, farting up the place, refusing to use enough deodorant, and using all my minutes texting its no good appliance friends.

But whatever!

So. Back to the important question… are the clothes going to smell like shit, too?

I mean, it’s OK right now because it’s not my clothes in there. It’s the kid’s clothes. And you know, toddlers, they all smell a little stinky eventually. It’s not like anyone is going to notice the fart-smelling one in a cloud of preschool kids. Anyway, that’s why they look so cute… to make up for the shitty smells. (I’ll refrain from making a good pain/motrin joke here.)

But I WILL have to do laundry soon.

Help!               - wg

Update: My dryer no longer smells like poop!  After taking some of the fine advice left here (thank you!) and running a few loads of hot water/bleach/cold water, etc. the smell has dissipated.  I think my lovely commenters were right and there might have been some ancient nuggets stuck in the washer.  My other theory, because our dryer vents to our basement - the unfinished basement that probably has animals passing through - is that a stray cat or possum took a massive dump near the venting and that's what I was smelling.  I don't care either way because somehow the metaphorical match got burnt!  Just in time for me to wash some jeans.

I know you all were dying to hear what happened.  heh

The Lone Ranger & Tonto Mish Mash Post of Everything

Our household seems to be trapped in the cold that won't die. Seriously, as soon as any of us starts to feel better it comes swooping in again, the bastard.  Without further ado, here is my attempt to catch up slightly on all things post.

HUGE props to everyone who went out today to protest the passing of Prop 8.  I couldn't make it due to, you know, illness, but in my heart I BELIEVE we will make California an equal rights state again.

At the same time, my heart goes out to everyone affected by the wildfires in southern California. I'm keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers. Take care!

A personal announcement (TMI warning)... as well as being sick our household also appears to be...

wait for it...

POTTY TRAINING FREE!!  WOOT!  That's right!  It seems the kid has finally decided to poop in the pot.  We actually stopped using pull-ups at night about a month ago.  He's been dry through the night for months but he still seemed to like the pull-ups for morning stealth poops.  Then (while he was sick ironically) he asked for just underwear at night and gradually he began pooping in the toilet every so often, and now he does it consistently!  He even got a big kid set of Legos to celebrate yesterday.  We're all very, very excited.  Especially me.  The poopy pants washer.  

Some belated Halloween photos (in honor of the little pooper).

"Why you telling everybody my personal bizness, mom?"

DSC03248 rotated  

Kids and costumes.


Our cool decorations.  Yeah, I know it was over two weeks ago but I still like the job we did!  (Besides my old camera had died and then I got the new camera that week and basically Halloween was the first day I even used the new one and it's taken me this long to download the photos and (partially) read through the manual. You know?)


Here's a little something I'm just Totally Into Right Now.  I had to share.  Me and the kid both spontaneously bounce around the house singing, "Bound! Bound!" or "Hoo! Hoo!" respectively.  (Which just goes to show that dorkiness is hereditary.)

Love from the asylum,
the weirdgirl

For three strange days I had no motivation

My son just woke up from a six hour nap. My son who won’t quite drink or eat or sleep enough to really kick this cold. Usually we wake him up from a nap before it gets too late but I was hoping he would sleep through the night. Now I’m starting Toy Story at 9:30 at night. I don’t care, as long as he gets healthy.

Do any of you remember when I called myself a disaffected poet fashionista? It was ages ago, but it does somehow describe me (though the “fashionista” is tongue in cheek. Sort of). I’m also ages overdue to get back to that.

I get the impression that only a percentage of me is showing at any given time. That’s true of everyone but… I’m going to try an experiment. I’m going to try not holding back so much. I mean, on this blog, writing wise.

I am a poet. It is an essential part of my being. And I always feel like I’m revealing a dirty secret if I say it. Like I’m introducing myself in AA, and I should be recovering.

I know I spend too much time in my head… but there’s rollercoasters in there, and a carnival of divas in drag, throbbing metaphors in the sweet-acid ichor, and chocolate everything.

You can talk a lot and still not break through. You can sit back and visualize all day and have a barrier all unknowing.

Because the thing is… I miss my art. I want to infuse it more in my life. No more “saving it up.” To quote Fred Baby.

Which means you might have to read a few more entries like this shit.
          - the weirdgirl

Shopping in the House of the Sick

We had a nice anniversary dinner Friday night, but Chance had a really bad fever (104 and climbing) when we got home - which the unnamed older relatives failed to notice. (They won’t be babysitting when he has the “sniffles” anymore.) Then I got sick Saturday morning and Keen is fighting it off now. This is an ugly one, folks.

Anywho, I’ve been making my way through the mountain of mail-order catalogs that we get every year. Might as well make a dent in the Christmas shopping since you can’t do much else! (Catalogs are like picture books for grownups.) So here are a few observations from my fever-addled mind…

Pottery Barn Kids – You know, at this point, I peruse your fine catalog just to see how many ways your concept of feminism has gone wrong. (Oh who am I kidding? Feminism doesn’t exist in Pottery Barn land.) My favorite: the bunk bed/kitchen playset combo… Oh, little girls! Here is your deepest fantasy made real… and by the way, the lesson learned here is you may go directly from the bedroom to the kitchen only, you will not pass Go, you will not collect $200. AND you will love pink. So it is decreed.

Gag. I mean, I know I may have a daughter some day who may go apeshit for the pink bunk bed/kitchen playset but that doesn’t need to be the ONLY option. I notice Pottery Barn Kids has a lot more creative themes for boys. WTF?

Viva Terra – Great concept, everything in here is “green” (or maybe this was just their green catalog, I don't know)… and I can’t afford a flipping thing! Or rather, there is no way in hell I’m paying their prices for “recovered” (free) and “reclaimed” (used) items. Especially, when they’re “helping” villagers in third world countries who make these items. So you pay the village, what? $5 bucks and I pay $279 for a step stool? I’m all for both eco-living and artistic recycling but give me a break. I think you’re defeating the purpose of going green when the markup is 500%.

OK, yeah, being sick makes me a little cranky.

What On Earth – There are always a few gems in this, the book of kitsch, and I look through it every year for those few hard-to-shop-for people. But seriously, about halfway through, the cutesy starts to kill me. The un-PC cutesy, mind you. I honestly think my head imploded, just a little, while I flipped through the pages. (BTW, for those of you planning on showering me with gifts, just because I’m a “cat-lover” does NOT mean I want a pencil sharpener where I ram the pencil up the cat’s ass. Thanks. (I mean, that doesn’t even make sense.))

Uncommon Goods – I love this catalog! Somehow it also has lots of artistic and recycled items, but it doesn’t come off as pretentious. (Can be a bit pricey, and full of things I don’t need… but I want them! Like the Caia Koopman Rehab Wallet Case, oh my god!) However, I know I’m a little off. Really, I do. Because as I’m looking at these items the split personality kicks in. Such as the 12 ways you’ve made a difference journal that features helpful prompts for writing like, “The best advice you ever gave me…” and the one half of me thinks, “Aw! It’s empowering AND sweet!” (I think that’s the side connected to my ovaries.) But the uncontrollable smartass side of me responds… “The best advice you ever gave me was… nothing! That’s what! All your advice was bunk, you hack! Stinky wind without two nickles to rub together. I got myself where I’m at and I’ll get myself where I’m going! You’re just kissing my ass for when I take over, anyway. But don’t worry, I’ll remember. I remember everything. Bwa ha ha!”

And I’m pretty sure that’s where evil geniuses begin.

       - the weirdgirl

Worth It

So I voted early this year! Last Wednesday I made my way to the registrar’s office after dropping Chance at preschool. I couldn’t quite figure how I’d manage to get to the polls in time on election day, or if I got there in time I’d probably have to wait for hours – and you know, really, why add one more person to the zoo? – so I went early to beat the crowds. Sort of. I marked my ballot at home and after circling the parking lot a few times I got in a took a number. (A number! Genius!) I was told the wait would be about 25 minutes, which was perfect despite the crappy parking. Well, somehow I came at the weird glitchy part of the day because 45 minutes later my number wasn’t anywhere close and I had to soon leave to pick up Chance. Oops.

Well, I told one of the attendants that I had to leave and could I hold on to my number just in case I got back in time? She said yes (she was quite nice about it actually), and I did a loop drive to Chance’s preschool and back again. I knew it was nuts letting him run around wild-like but I really wanted to vote! I told him all about voting for our president (but I didn’t tell him for whom because he has to make up his own mind). When we arrived back at the registrar’s office my number had long long passed already, however, Nice Registrar Lady let me go anyway.

So I voted! Felt quite on top of the world all day, too (despite the Prop 8 blues). And I only had to stop and reign in Chance about 20 times during the process. Note: this kid will flirt with anyone; government office workers or burly biker men trying to vote, it doesn’t seem to matter. Quite bipartisan, this kid.

While I was at the registrar’s office (and before I picked up Chance) I chatted with a woman – older, white, retired physician – who was currently living in India. She flew all the way home just to vote, because as she said, “This is an important one.”

You betcha this is an important one. And I could tell, even separated by generations, she felt just as elated to participate as I did.

I wish you all that same elation. Get out there and vote! It’ll make you feel great.
                - the weirdgirl

Tell me how I can spot the devil…

I thought I would take a break and have a few fun posts about Halloween, but the truth is I (couldn’t) can’t stop thinking about politics.

I heard a radio ad for Prop 8 over the weekend that said, “They WILL teach gay marriage in schools.”

This is a lie. A flat out lie.

Sure, it could be a fear, an opinion, a conjecture on the part of the speakers (and they are entitled to their fears and opinions), but they state it as if it is a fact. In the course of this campaign I have seen misinformation, and slander, and sabotage in the name of “decency” and “morality”. None of these tactics are decent or moral.  And the polls have narrowed because of these tactics.

The bible says, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”

The proponents of Prop 8 are bearing false witness against the entire state of California.

It is really quite disheartening. To be so conscious of playing fairly and then have shit flung at you. It even makes me ashamed. As a Christian. Of our political process. Of hell’s glittering road and what people will do without realizing they are turning themselves into pavers. That’s always been my big turnoff about politics. Or maybe they do realize, and that is even more disheartening. I am not one that believes ends justifies means.

I have always thought of our state as a leader. We led in the civil rights movement. We led in change. We lead in innovation and creativity. And now we will… what? Go backwards? Create an unequal constitution? Fall prey to tyranny

I worry that we’re lacking in this country; lacking in a generosity of spirit.

I worry that I’m talking too much.

And that I’m not talking enough.

This proposition will directly affect people I love. You probably know people that this will affect, too. Tell me, if it was your friends and family… would you tell them they aren’t good enough? Would you let them become unequal citizens?

Vote No. Vote No. Vote No.            - wg