Open for poking
It Begins Again

One Lift Too Many

The scene - Early evening at Stan and Janet Barkley’s house. Their guests for dinner are Michael and Gail Stevens. They are just sitting down to eat while Stan serves from the buffet.

JANET:  We are so glad you made it over for dinner!  We don’t get together nearly enough.

GAIL:  I know!  Oh my goodness, dinner looks lovely!  You really are a marvel, Stan.  So, what’s new?

STAN, conspiratorially:  This is my secret twist on Chicken Jerusalem.

JANET:  Well, both the kids are off at camp so we’ve had the summer to ourselves for once.  Oh, and I just got back from a fabulous spa trip!

STAN:  Now I know white wine is traditional with chicken but I think a good pinot noir goes with everything.  Hope you don’t mind.

MICHAEL:  Hey, what can you have against great wine?

GAIL:  Spa?  Ooh dish.  Where did you go?  What did you do?

JANET:  It was amazing!  The place is called The Virgin Rose.  The entire spa is devoted exclusively to vaginal rejuvenation.

MICHAEL: cough choke

GAIL:  Excuse me?

JANET:  I know, I know, TMI!  Ha ha!  But after having been there… I would tell anyone… anyone about it.  Stan, do you think we need the other salad dressing?  I’m serious, I’d tell anyone… Get. Your. Hoo-hoo. DONE!

MICHAEL:  O-KAY, wait a minute!

GAIL, fascinated:  You actually had something done… down there?

MICHAEL, turning to Stan:  Should we leave?

STAN: shakes his head while serving pasta

JANET:  Not just one thing!  I spent four days getting the works and I still have a few treatments to go.  There’s a whole specialty field now around sprucing up our most valuable asset!  Ha ha ha!  You can get lifts, you can tucks…

STAN:  Who wants dark meat?

JANET:  A little botox here, a little collagen there.  Laser doing… well, whatever it is that the laser does…

GAIL, to Michael:  Honey, here, have something to drink.

JANET:  Now granted the chemical peels sting a bit, but I am telling you… SO worth it! I feel like I’m fifteen again!

GAIL:  Wow.  (She turns to Stan.)  And what do you think about all this?

STAN:   It’s been great!  Just like when we first started dating!  Ha ha ha!  Although… and this is a small thing… it has started to look a bit odd…

Girl with Joan Rivers head for crotch

Thanks to Evyl for contributing “vaginal rejuvenation” for this one!  More commenter-inspired posts to come.  If anyone would like to make more suggestions just leave a comment here.
         – the weirdgirl

Comments

Evyl

That is one scary crotch shot. Great post!!!

foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)

I wonder if that kind of work is picked up by major insurance...

Jeanne

If you can think it, it probably exists somewhere. Terrifying!

katie ~ motherbumper

What, Janet was too cheap to go for the Jenna Jamison special, she had to cheap out and go for the Joan? Pfffft - Janet is never getting laid again.

the weirdgirl

Evyl - Thanks. The picture came out a LOT more disturbing than I thought it would. *shudder* I think I just lost more of my dwindling audience with this one!

FADKOG - Perhaps if you had years of documented ass pain? I hear back pain is how you get coverage for breast reduction surgery. I know there are plenty of things causing a pain in my ass. (Who knew one was my twat?)

Oh wait... THERE goes my audience!

Jeanne - And I'm the one who thought it. Be afraid.

Katie - HA HA HA HA! We should take a husband poll... Jenna or Joan?

Scott

When I was attending Auburn University (1984-1985), I discovered that late every Saturday night, X-rated films were shown off-campus, at the town's only theater. These were stronger than "NC-17", though not nearly as graphic as "XXX".

One of them was entitled, "Pussy Talk"! In the film, a groom wants to have sex with his bride, on their wedding night. But she doesn't let him. She just goes to sleep.

Once she's asleep, the bride's pussy begins to talk! (The special effects are shockingly good--her pussy moves just like a mouth!) And the pussy tells the groom (through flashbacks) of the bride's very wild sexual past, beginning with her first experience (with a priest, in the confessional booth)!

I can't remember how the film ends. But it's so hilarious watching this pussy talk! And the pussy's voice is most brash (i.e. very much like that of Joan Rivers)!

Mike

This girl in the pic really like me, which is his name???

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