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Feeling like the crappiest blogger ever

In Which I am a Mean, Mean Mommy

So essentially, Chance is at a point where he has the potential to be completely potty-trained… but he’s not. Some of it is normal; he still gets too interested in playing to always stop and go to the bathroom. He doesn’t always tell me he has to go, so I have to make him take potty breaks. If he gets upset or over-stimulated, he’ll have an accident. And he still will run off and hide to poop in his pants. 

But the biggest thing I noticed (or finally clued into) was that he was using accidents as payback. He has an accident and then runs away instead of getting cleaned up. Turns it into one huge game. It’s another way to push mommy’s buttons… and lately, he’s been big into pushing buttons. (Can you tell this totally makes me insane?)

The scene: Chance and I are playing together but he keeps pushing me with his feet.  After I’ve told him to stop three times, and tell him I’m not going to play if he isn’t nice, I stop playing with him. I sit on the couch and pick up a book to read.

Chance pees his pants. 

ME: “Oh kiddo! OK, let’s go get changed.”

CHANCE, watching me intently:  “No!” laughs hysterically, starts to run off

ME, temper rising: “I’m not going to chase you, Chance. This isn’t a game. Let’s get cleaned up. You don’t want your butt to hurt, do you?”

CHANCE, more laughing, tries to hide

ME, (completely mentally snapping): “OK then, you know what?! When you’re ready to get changed, you let me know!”

CHANCE, stops laughing, looks at me warily

ME:  stomp to kitchen, forget what I’m doing, stomp back, pick up something off floor

CHANCE, sees me coming back, starts laughing again

ME: “I’m not going to chase you! Are you ready to get changed?”

CHANCE: “No!”

ME: “All right, you let me know when you’re ready.” I stomp back to Keen in the den and tell him what’s going on. “I’m going to go practice drumming. Don’t change him until he asks.” (Mean mommy!) I head outside and bang on things for a while. 

Twenty minutes later I go in to get a tissue (damn allergies) and Chance has just gotten changed. I then invite him outside to play.

 

Ten minutes later, another accident.

ME, feigning nonchalance (but inside I’m still pissed from earlier): “Oops, looks like you’re wet! Do you want to get changed?”

CHANCE: “No!”

ME: “All right, it’s up to you. You let me know.”

CHANCE goes back to playing.

Five minutes later.

CHANCE: “[I’m] cold, Mommy.”

ME: “Well, that’s because you’re wet, kiddo. You ready to get changed?”

CHANCE: “No!”

ME: “OK, it’s up to you.”

Another five minutes later.

ME (because I couldn’t resist): “So are you going to have an accident in front of all your friends at school, too, and then stay in wet clothes?”

CHANCE: silence

Five more minutes later.

ME (after the wind had kicked up a little): “Hey kiddo, ready to get changed?”

CHANCE: “Yes.”

ME: “Let’s go.”

 

Get inside and Chance waits for me to undress him. (Which, honestly, up until this point I usually did. It was just faster that way.)

ME, not stepping in to help him at all: “OK, take off your clothes.”

CHANCE starts to tug at his clothes but still looks for my help

ME: “Nope, you’re a big kid. You can do it. Take off your shoes first.”

CHANCE takes off his shoes

ME: “OK, now take off your socks.” (The totally sodden, sticking to him socks.)

CHANCE wrestles socks off his feet

ME: “Good job! Now pull down your pants and underwear. Everything off!”

CHANCE gets out of pants and underwear

ME, giving him a quick wipe down and handing him new clothes: “Put your clothes on. I know you know how.”

Chance again pauses, waits for help

ME: “Go ahead. You’re a big kid, you can do it.”

CHANCE s-l-o-w-l-y pulls on all his clothes himself.

ME: “Great job, Chance! See, you’re such a big kid now I knew you knew how to do all that yourself.  And when you have to go potty I know you can come in here and do that yourself, too.”

CHANCE, big beaming smile

 

That was Sunday. The next time I asked him if he had to go pee he ran into the bathroom shouting, “I can do it myself!” The next time he had a (perfectly understandable) accident he 1) told me, and 2) when I said, “OK go take off your pants” he ran into the bathroom and took off his pants.  The angry, button-pushing peeing seems to have stopped (God, I hope I’m not jinxing myself!), and best of all, he actually pooped in the potty the other day! Then the last time he tried to do the run and hide maneuver (to poop) all I had to do was remind him of that great poop he made in the toilet and he went running for the bathroom. 

Who knew me having my own version of a tantrum would work out so well?

 - the weirdgirl

 

Comments

Chag

Nicely done!

Evyl

Tantrums generelly work for me as well but if they don't at least they are fun to throw.

Lisa

Yay Chance! And yay Mommy!!! Sounds like another bridge crossed in the quest for growing up.

creative-type dad

Wow, nice technique

Hannah

Gaaa, have you been lurking in a corner at my house? Because this was so familiar I started getting twitchy.

Isaac's doing much better now and the accidents seem to have slowed down considerably. He still does much, much better at daycare than at home, though. I think it's because toilet time is more fun at daycare - three little toilets, all in a row, and they can hang out together and talk about the stock market while they poop.

This to shall pass!

Andrea

Yay for potty progress!

Jeanne

Turning Chance's decisions against him? He gets to make the decisions And live with the consequences. Somehow I see that going a long way.

When do you get the prize for Chance's poop? Congrats, weirdgirl!

KC

Sounds like you got it all on track. I like the idea of the big boy getting to do all the dressing/undressing himself. Kids love to feel in control that way.

You're such a great/cool mom!

jason

Excellent work.

gwendomama

applause, applause!

i think the worst thing i ever did with my first child was give her too many choices.
we thought it was respect.
she equated it with power.
which, in our book as parents, is incorrect.

you are doing an awesome job! setting the limits is EASY!
enforcing them?
NOT so!


the weirdgirl

Thank you all for such nice comments! It's nice to hear other people think I'm doing well because frankly, I don't know what the hell I'm doing half the time.

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