Ya wanna talk old?
Month Number Six

The Learning Goes On

Holy crapmonkeys, I have not sat down at the computer since my last post Sunday night! Seriously. I haven’t gotten any work done, I haven’t read anything, I haven’t even checked email. The porn spam really piled up, let me tell you.  Usually when there’s a break like this I’m still online but my brain has just short-circuited and I can’t think of anything to write.  There’s, literally, a three-day-old IM from my brother I just answered.

And why did this occur, you ask?  Because we are idiots, Keen and I. 

Chance turned three-years-old on Monday*.  (Happy Birthday kiddo!) Somehow, somewhere (most likely in opposite universe), we thought it would be easier to break up all the festivities this year.  I.e. one party for the family and a separate party for the kids. 

It was not easier. It was not easier at all. 

The reason we succumbed to this opiate-like delusion is that we have a lot of family living near us.  You start factoring in friends of ours, everyone’s kids (I can’t believe we’ve all had kids!), friends of Chance, and family and parties can get a little crazy.  At least, for a three-year-old. First bar-b-que kicking off summer… fine, blowout time.  Supposedly laid back toddler birthday party, especially in the middle of tax season (Keen’s busy period)?  Not such a great period.  And last year when we just had the kid party – which we thought was appropriate - all the uninvited family were upset.  Oy. OK then, we’ll split them. 

After analyzing the situation thoroughly, I’ve realized it was not so much an error in execution as it was in duration. Figure, we started roughly last Friday prepping the house, cleaning and whatnot.  (I mean, it all started earlier than that, but you know what I mean.)  Saturday we had the first party at our place.  Parties with family never seem to end at small, casual, cake and ice cream get togethers; I don’t know what it is.  You think a couple of hours tops, and four hours later people are still making their way out.  And even though almost everyone there were adults, Chance still seemed to get riled up like those self-same adults were zapping him with cattle prods. I distinctly remember Chance zipping by me at one point, saying, “Mom!  Need!  Banana!” and then he was already off in another room. (Because of course he wouldn’t stop to eat dinner, or drink, or even pee.)

Sunday, a day of rest.  At least the plan was to take a lot of naps and recover from the time change/birthday night. Except for that family trip to Target to get goodie bag supplies for Chance’s preschool class birthday party. (Which ended up being the third party I had to prep for, ‘cause I hadn’t factored that in when we decided to split the other parties.)  The trip to Target with a still wired, yet tired (SWYT) toddler. The same toddler who refused to take a nap when we got back. 

Note to self – when child refuses to nap, NONE of us get naps.  Buy duct tape.  

On Monday, (even though I did great with the time change on Sunday,) somehow I ended up an hour off ALL DAY LONG! Like, the only two clocks that hadn’t been reset, those are the ones I was looking at – the end result being that I was too late to put Chance down for a fricking nap!  (Just shoot dork girl in the head right now.) And it being my only son’s birthday, I had planned special activity time for him and mommy so the day ended up being way more packed then I expected (before I fucked up an hour).  I finally figured it out when Keen came home earlier than I expected. Anyway, Monday was the kid party at a Pump It Up in the early evening. Downside – chaos like insane midget clowns have finally escaped from a too-tight car. Upside – total enclosure of said chaos and it’s over in two hours.  

But wait! I still have to go home and bake the cupcakes and make goodie bags for preschool! 

OK, that didn’t happen Monday night at all, but it was on my schedule.  (I swear to god, I'm not trying to be one of those super moms!  (They never wear nice shoes.))  I think I fell asleep at, like, 9:00.

Tuesday, get up, skip shower to doze 20 extra minutes while Chance jumped up and down on in me in bed, get him ready and to school.  Theoretically planned on taking shower when I got back home before baking cupcakes; instead, followed strange compulsion to once again visit Target.  (The red bulls-eye calls to me!)  Thank goodness, my dear mom dropped by to visit and helped me make cupcakes and goodie bags and helped me load everything into the car before she galloped off into the sunset.  Got to school, watch 20+ kids scarf cupcakes, start to glimpse the sugar high setting in, and narrowly escaped with Chance in tow. I don’t think anything else happened the rest of Tuesday but the remainder of the day was a blur.   

Today (it’s Wednesday, right?), Chance woke up a little high-strung and whimpery (because SWYT), and we had his yearly pediatrician appointment where we got to discuss the red-flagging, then I rushed home to clean up the disaster of birthday and Easter supplies (courtesy of Target ) flung everywhere before the real cleaners come (yes, I pay people to clean my toilet.  Deal. I’m still fricking busy). Chance again refused to take a nap! Ergo, no nap for mom. (I am just really feeling the need for naps lately.)

So the moral of this story is if you’re an idiot and decide to have multiple celebrations your kid will be feeling it (and making you pay) for days.  You (meaning me) will also be feeling it because you are old.  You’ll also be coming out of your ears in cake. 

Next year, blowout bash. I can’t handle all this fucking merry making.  

 - the weirdgirl

*(And yeah, I had totally meant to do a post about Chance. To commemorate his coming into our lives, how big he’s grown, etc, because I do love my baby. Maybe tomorrow. After nap.) 

Comments

Hannah

Um, WOW. Now I need a nap.

Happy birthday Chance!

MetroDad

Wow, I got tired just reading about all the activity you did. Amazing! Sounds like you pulled it all off.

Happy birthday to Chance! Three rocks!

jason

Sounds utterly exhausting, but all too familiar. Our son's second birthday is just two weeks away. We decided to forgo a party this year and planned a day at Disneyland. We invited our friends and family to join us. If they come that's great. If they don't, oh well. But my wife mentioned yesterday that she wants to do a separate party with his little friends the following weekend. I'm not too excited about that.

Bill Beck

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Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

I just think it rules that you said "Holy Crapmonkeys". I am totally going to start using that.

Fuzz

Hindsight is 20/20. Have a good one next year. Just one.

the weirdgirl

Hannah & MD - thanks! I might have managed to pull it off... but I took a THREE hour nap after dropping Chance at preschool yesterday. (I'm so damn old!)

Jason - your Disneyland trip sounds perfect! I might steal that for next year.

Bill - thanks! I've got a couple sites to nominate, too.

Sarah - Holy Crapmonkeys: in use since 1996. Enjoy!

Fuzz - thanks and trust me, lesson learned!

Summer

Holy shit!! Busy much?
Jack turned two last week and we had a party (a small one) I learned my lesson the first go-round with Chloe. I spent a lot of time crying at her parties until I wised up!
Take some time mama..it sounds needed. Oh and Chloe gave up her naps completely at 3 so maybe....

Scott

"insane midget clowns"--that's hilarious! And it reminds me of something almost totally irrelevant.

I'm not particularly a fan of "Saturday Night Live"--I just don't get the jokes. But I have tuned in occasionally. There used to be a segment on SNL called "Deep Thoughts"--I did get this, and quite a laugh out of it!

Several years ago, in an office-supplies store, I noticed some greeting cards that had transcripts of SNL's "Deep Thoughts" segments. I only remember one, because it was so absurdly hilarious! It went something like this:

"Most people think clowns are funny. But I think they're kind of scary. I think it's because, when I was a kid, my dad took me to the circus--and a clown killed my dad."

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