Sharing the stories, part two
Why is the Word Monkey so Funny*?

The Agony

I have this strategy I employ when I’m really in a hurry; I let my son play with inappropriate toys.  (Bad mommy, BAD!)  See, if he’s having one of those particularly clingy moments (which luckily doesn’t involve so much of the clingy but the need to be within the same three feet of me) and, say, I’m trying to get dressed / put on makeup / dry my hair I’ll let him dig through the bathroom cupboards or unroll the toilet paper roll into a pile on the floor or play with my feminine pads.  It keeps him happy, lets him stay in my vicinity (and theoretically in sight), and let’s me get ready somewhat peacefully. 

Recently that strategy bit me in the butt.

One of his favorite things to do in the bathroom is dig through my makeup drawer.  And who can blame a kid, right?  All that cool packaging and bright colors.  Little boxes, and bottles, and cool pencil things all shiny-like and pretty, perfect for little hands.  He was quite entertained and I could get ready for a luncheon with girlfriends I hadn’t seen in months.  I was going out, baby!  All by myself (I mean, sans kid) and I was going to hang with other chicks and we were going to do chicky things and eat good food in peace and wear nice clothes with no little hands smearing stuff on them.

So you can see I was a little distracted. Distracted enough not to see Chance manage to wrestle my expensive face powder out of it’s wrapper.  Nor to see him make his way to the toilet (where I had idiotically left the lid up).  It was the slight motion out of the corner of my eye and the PLOP that got my attention.


In a split second I had plunged my (nicely moisturized and perfumed ready-to-go-out) arm in and fished it out.  And then I had another decision.  Do I throw away the expensive makeup that just fell in the john?  (Well, you say, why are you still buying expensive makeup anyway?  What are you, one of those narcissistic moms?  Expensive because at almost 35 I am still occasionally breaking out and, yes, the expensive shit really does make a difference.)  OR do I just wipe off the powder (it didn’t look like it absorbed any water) and pretend it didn’t fall in the toilet?  Maybe figure out a way to disinfect it later after my lunch? 

Guess which decision I went with?  And then, because I was still distracted and now in a hurry, I forgot to set aside that particular powder for later disinfection and instead it got mixed up with my other packages of powder.  (What?  You don’t buy makeup in bulk?)  I no longer know which one got dumped in the crapper. 

I could very well be wearing toilet powder at this very minute.  Is that a metaphor, or what?

(Strangely enough, I haven’t had a breakout since that incident.)      

             - the weirdgirl



I do the SAME EXACT THING! hahahaha! It hasn't resulted in tragedy yet but it makes for a much more time consuming clean-up. Anyway, I break out a lot too. What's up with that? Mind sharing the powder you use (sans toilet water of course)?


Now I wonder ever more, what IS toilet water (that you buy in that fancy packaging) anyway?!

Mary P

Letting them play with inappropriate stuff so you can get stuff done? This is sooo normal. "Inappropriate"?? Says who? Ha! Define "toy" anyway.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


"Inappropriate"? Not at all! Go with the flow. After all, kids usually like the packaging better than the toy inside. At least mine did.


That's like when you drop money in a public toilet... do you reach in and get it? And when do you decide that you should just leave it?? Hmmm....

Interesting about the face though - maybe there's something rejuvenating for the face in that toilet water.


I hate to say it but I can't resist.
Did you go out and get shitfaced?

the weirdgirl

Stacy, I use Este Lauder foundation, and Artistry (aka AMWAY!) powder. I love them both. I have a cheap-y "quick mom" Revlon compact that goes on fast, but if I use that all the time I break out. I also use Proactiv... just like Jessica Simpson! (gag)

Jade, toilet water is perfume for your toilet (but you knew that, smartmouth).

Mary P & KC, you know normally (i.e. before kid) I wouldn't worry about inappropriate toys. But I'm still in that "new mommy" phase where I have these spontaneous and uncontrolled visions of Chance harming himself, like drinking down nail polish or breaking a bottle and slashing himself accidently. The stupidest little things are suddenly menacing!

Kristen, that has never happened to me but now that you've mentioned it I'll be keeping my purse as fas away from the toilet as possible.

Fuzz, I wish!!


The Five Second Rule applies to toilets as well. So you're cool.

The Phoenix

When I was in insurance, one of the biggest causes of indoor flooding was kids putting stuff in the toilet. That's why I tell people with little children to get the sewer backup rider on your homeowner's.


The other day, my son dug through my purse and pulled out a bottle of motrin 800. As he's running about shaking it, the mom we carpool with shows up to pick up her girl and FREAKED OUT. "Do you know that your son has DRUGS IN HIS HANDS!!!??" and I laughed and said "Yeah. That'll be some lawsuit if he gets em' open, eh!?".

I'm the worst mom.

Black Belt Mama

Too funny! If it didn't absorb anything, you're good to go! (I think.)


I live this post almost every day! I feel so much better knowing that I'm not the worst parent on the planet...or if I am, at least I'm in good company.

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