After watching much too much Noggin, it occurs to me that there is an untapped after-market potential that could produce unprecedented revenues if the producers at Noggin were wise enough to grab it. A way to expand the target audience past Noggin’s toddler-to-preschool demographic and simultaneously provide more sponsorship opportunities. In fact, it’s such an natural direction to go I’m not sure why no one at Noggin has thought of this before. Yes, I’m talking about…
The Laurie Berkner Burlesque Review
Now think about it. Of course, I am not suggesting that Noggin broadcast burlesque along with their preschool programming. That would be silly and short-sighted. I’m saying take it on the road as a partnership venture. Just like all the other touring children’s music groups that kids beg to go to, Laurie’s Burlesque Review could be similar but with her songs set to burlesque choreography. Imagine parents, you would no longer have to sit for three boring hours in the grass at some open-air theatre with nothing to do but sunburn and endure mind-numbing children’s songs you’ve heard over and over again as your kids go nuts. With the Laurie Berkner Burlesque Review, you could sit through the same tunes but now with beautiful exotic dancers shaking their money-makers at you. Visualize it… comfy seats, dim lighting, stale popcorn, music the kids love, and the spectacle of pasties twirling in the air. The kids are happy, dad’s happy, mom is… er… well, it depends on the mom. But in theory, it’s entertainment for the whole family.
Don’t think it would work? Well, just consider the following songs…
I Know a Chicken (Lyrics: “Now shake it in a circle, shake it round and round…”)
Victor Vito (all those lines about boys and burritos, I mean, come on)
Boody Boody Ya Ya Ya (do I need to explain the lyrics here?)
Blow a Kiss (Lyrics: “like this, blow a kiss” It’s such a shimmy song!)
The beauty of this is Laurie wouldn’t even have to be there. (You didn’t seriously think I was going to suggest that the band perform the burlesque, did you? Let’s not get crazy now.) She could license the rights and still perform her normal tours, all while she and Noggin rake in the dough to fund future productions of quality, educational programming for the young ones.
As for those critics that I’m sure (given their usual conservative rantings and ravings about “family values”) will level charges about the show being “traumatizing” and “immoral” for the kiddies. Well, look, these kids are of an age where they’ve seen nothing but breasts for most of their young lives! I think early exposure to theatre and artistic expression (right in line with Noggin’s philosophy, I might add) vastly outweigh the critics’ dogmatic skepticism.
And the kiddies have to learn how to hang lifesavers off their nipples sometime.
- the weirdgirl