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Flailing Boob Syndrome

I am disgruntled.  It’s no secret that the breasts change after a baby.  I knew to expect change… but still.  My breasts do not look like, as one friend so eloquently put it, “tube socks with tennis balls at the bottom”, but nevertheless they just don’t hoot like they used to. Worse still… there are those days… days when the boobs are flailing about even more than usual.  Moments when, instead of going to retrieve the morning paper in my PJs nonchalantly (albeit quickly) as I usually do, instead I find myself carefully screening to avoid passerbys, putting on a sweatshirt, and then scurrying frantically, clutching at my bosoms, to retrieve the paper because… BECAUSE THE BOOBS ARE JUST EVERYWHERE!  The hooters are a-flailing.  The boobs have become waving appendages in their own right.  Why is this?  Why does this happen?  Why should one ta-ta moment in time be different than another?  Seriously?  I am trying to comprehend here.

Shit, the things they don’t tell you in Lamaze… someone could write a book.         

            - the weirdgirl

Comments

stella

i hate it when my boobs dont HOOT.

im feeling ya girl.

MetroDad

For the record, my boobs got bigger after the birth of our child also.

Jade

All I could hear in my head while reading this was the camp song from childhood:

Do your boobs hang low?
Do they waggle too and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?

Can you throw them over your shoulder
like a Continental soldier?

Do your BOOBS
HANG
LOW?

he he he

Well, at least you aren't sporting the mid-life middle-chest variety. I think I'll get to that stage before you... ugh!

the weirdgirl

Stella you always make me smile.

MD, actually, I DO feel better knowing some of the men folk are having boob issues too.

Jade - I MISSED that song at camp! (Oh wait, maybe it's 'cause I only went to the day camp for poor kids. Though we did have that song about marijuana.) You'll have to sing it for me.

Mary

It could be worse. I've always been well-endowed, and after THREE pregnancies, I never, ever, ever go in public without a bra, not for a second. It's not so much about the flailage, which has ALWAYS been an issue for me, but that the headlights are so dramatically out of alignment. So they're flailing in two TOTALLY DIFFERENT directions. It's a riot, I tell ya...

The Phoenix

Well...you could get pregnant again, and your bosom will be re-inflated once more.

stella

as do you. now...

when can i come visit that precious precious CHANCE!!!! I wanna eat him up. he's so yummy looking.

CroutonBoy

I think I saw this movie, although I think I preferred "Flailing Boob Syndrome 8", which won the AVN award for best cinematography...

bitemycookie

yup. my cans are trashed too. i can't go surgical, but i totally see (ahem) why people do.

the weirdgirl

I don't really want my boobs re-inflated either because that's just MORE flailage to deal with. Yeah, and the headlights... I've never been a fan of those either. Keen loves them though.

(Stella - if you're ever out this way you are more than welcome to come visit!)

GIRLS GONE CHILD

My cans were already trashed to begin with. I covet the little boobs I so desperatley wanted when I dropped 12g's on surgery. I'm sorry but when does large B sound like small D? sidenote: Never trust a male doctor with a breat reduction.

GIRLS GONE CHILD

*breast. but breat reductions aint cool either.

Freaked out

Hi Weird Girl,

i've haven'y had a kid... reading all these comments freak me out? Are you planning to have another one?You keep saying you are old?

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