Great Moments in Absurdity
Parental Hearing – The Oxymoron

A Couple More

So.  I am continuing the “Things They Didn’t Tell You” list even though it occurs to me, since I only got one comment, that I have rather rotten timing considering that I brought up the delurker thing at the end of delurking week (man, I’m always late) AND while everyone else is all abuzz over the Best of Blog Awards (late again) AND on a Friday to boot.  Or maybe just no one wants to play.  *sigh*  Oh, well.  I’m still continuing ‘cause I think it’s funny (and I have a need to organize things that I suspect might be a little compulsive… hmmm).  Anywho, here’s a couple more.    

                – the weirdgirl

    

The Things They Don’t Tell You in Lamaze

Category: Diapers

Sniffing for Poops – Sure they discussed dirty diapers in Lamaze.  They showed us how to change a dirty diaper.  They talked about how we would need to watch for frequency and consistency of said poop (NEVER firmer than peanut butter!!).  What they didn’t tell us is how, at some point, we would find ourselves, with increasing frequency and enthusiasm, burying our noses in our child’s patooty, inhaling vociferously like we were sniffing crack off the baby’s bottom, only to announce (practically crowing in glee) to the world at large, “Yep, there’s poops in there!”

Category: Menstrual Cycles/Blood 

Revenge of the Period – Submitted by Gigi at Growing Up Too Fast: One of the things I hated but didn't know about until it happened was what I call "Revenge of the Period." I guess it makes sense that after such a long hiatus you'd get one heck of a period, but COME ON!

Category: BOOBS/HOOTERS/TA-TAs

Flailing Boob Syndrome – the occurrence of extra boob movement on particular days (I STILL don’t get why this happens!)

Headlights – Submitted by Mary at DayCareDaze: I've always been well-endowed, and after THREE pregnancies, I never, ever, ever go in public without a bra, not for a second. It's not so much about the flailage, which has ALWAYS been an issue for me, but that the headlights are so dramatically out of alignment. So they're flailing in two TOTALLY DIFFERENT directions.

            

Stretch Marks on the Boobages - this one just never occurred to me… but let me tell you it’s not very attractive!  And I think any extra stretch marks ANYWHERE are just sort of unfair.

Comments

Phil

We didn't take Lamaze, but something else, and for the life of me I can barely remember those parenting classes. It's all such a blur now. My daughter climbed up into my lap today and laid against my chest, burying her face in my shoulder, and some of that feeling of "new baby" came back to me.... She's 4 now, but for a second I kinda remembered what it was like to hold a 4-month old.

Mostly, though, it's all so hazy.

Hey, I know you tagged me awhile back, but I tried (really really tried) to fill out that meme and failed miserably. My answers sounded really stupid so I gave up on it.

The Phoenix

Yeah, I tried to. I think this one is just for the Mommies. Phil - you should have another one then, and in a little over a year, you will be holding a 4 month old once again.

girls gone child

Um, this is totally gross and I never took lamaze class BUT I have a feeling that they do not tell you about the post-pardum premiere-poop- HE-LLOOOO? Giving birth AGAIN much? Shiyat.

the weirdgirl

Phil & Phoenix - Seriously, I DID NOT mean to scare off the guys with all the talk about blood and boobs. I was more thinking of those things (usually kinda freaky or gross) that they just seem to neglect to tell you.

GGC - Yeah, they neglected to mention the premier poop thing... until you got to the hospital and THEN they were so like, "Oh, BTW, you'll need a laxative."

AdventureDad

Ok now I don't know if child number two is such a good idea.... Seriously, thank God women are the ones actually giving birth. Men are such babies and would never put up with 5 % of all that stuff.

AD

Mary

Hey, I'm famous! Thanks for the quote. Too bad it's only the plain facts of my poor beleagered bod.

Hey, now, don't blame the Lamaze teacher: there's only so much reality you can squeeze into six or seven two-hour classes! At least not without scaring your students, er, shitless.

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