Great Moments in Absurdity
Parental Hearing – The Oxymoron

A Couple More

So.  I am continuing the “Things They Didn’t Tell You” list even though it occurs to me, since I only got one comment, that I have rather rotten timing considering that I brought up the delurker thing at the end of delurking week (man, I’m always late) AND while everyone else is all abuzz over the Best of Blog Awards (late again) AND on a Friday to boot.  Or maybe just no one wants to play.  *sigh*  Oh, well.  I’m still continuing ‘cause I think it’s funny (and I have a need to organize things that I suspect might be a little compulsive… hmmm).  Anywho, here’s a couple more.    

                – the weirdgirl

    

The Things They Don’t Tell You in Lamaze

Category: Diapers

Sniffing for Poops – Sure they discussed dirty diapers in Lamaze.  They showed us how to change a dirty diaper.  They talked about how we would need to watch for frequency and consistency of said poop (NEVER firmer than peanut butter!!).  What they didn’t tell us is how, at some point, we would find ourselves, with increasing frequency and enthusiasm, burying our noses in our child’s patooty, inhaling vociferously like we were sniffing crack off the baby’s bottom, only to announce (practically crowing in glee) to the world at large, “Yep, there’s poops in there!”

Category: Menstrual Cycles/Blood 

Revenge of the Period – Submitted by Gigi at Growing Up Too Fast: One of the things I hated but didn't know about until it happened was what I call "Revenge of the Period." I guess it makes sense that after such a long hiatus you'd get one heck of a period, but COME ON!

Category: BOOBS/HOOTERS/TA-TAs

Flailing Boob Syndrome – the occurrence of extra boob movement on particular days (I STILL don’t get why this happens!)

Headlights – Submitted by Mary at DayCareDaze: I've always been well-endowed, and after THREE pregnancies, I never, ever, ever go in public without a bra, not for a second. It's not so much about the flailage, which has ALWAYS been an issue for me, but that the headlights are so dramatically out of alignment. So they're flailing in two TOTALLY DIFFERENT directions.

            

Stretch Marks on the Boobages - this one just never occurred to me… but let me tell you it’s not very attractive!  And I think any extra stretch marks ANYWHERE are just sort of unfair.

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