The scene - Early evening at Stan and Janet Barkley’s house. Their guests for dinner are Michael and Gail Stevens. They are just sitting down to eat while Stan serves from the buffet.
JANET: We are so glad you made it over for dinner! We don’t get together nearly enough.
GAIL: I know! Oh my goodness, dinner looks lovely! You really are a marvel, Stan. So, what’s new?
STAN, conspiratorially: This is my secret twist on Chicken Jerusalem.
JANET: Well, both the kids are off at camp so we’ve had the summer to ourselves for once. Oh, and I just got back from a fabulous spa trip!
STAN: Now I know white wine is traditional with chicken but I think a good pinot noir goes with everything. Hope you don’t mind.
MICHAEL: Hey, what can you have against great wine?
GAIL: Spa? Ooh dish. Where did you go? What did you do?
JANET: It was amazing! The place is called The Virgin Rose. The entire spa is devoted exclusively to vaginal rejuvenation.
MICHAEL: cough choke
GAIL: Excuse me?
JANET: I know, I know, TMI! Ha ha! But after having been there… I would tell anyone… anyone about it. Stan, do you think we need the other salad dressing? I’m serious, I’d tell anyone… Get. Your. Hoo-hoo. DONE!
MICHAEL: O-KAY, wait a minute!
GAIL, fascinated: You actually had something done… down there?
MICHAEL, turning to Stan: Should we leave?
STAN: shakes his head while serving pasta
JANET: Not just one thing! I spent four days getting the works and I still have a few treatments to go. There’s a whole specialty field now around sprucing up our most valuable asset! Ha ha ha! You can get lifts, you can tucks…
STAN: Who wants dark meat?
JANET: A little botox here, a little collagen there. Laser doing… well, whatever it is that the laser does…
GAIL, to Michael: Honey, here, have something to drink.
JANET: Now granted the chemical peels sting a bit, but I am telling you… SO worth it! I feel like I’m fifteen again!
GAIL: Wow. (She turns to Stan.) And what do you think about all this?
STAN: It’s been great! Just like when we first started dating! Ha ha ha!
Although… and this is a small thing… it has started to look a bit odd…
Thanks to Evyl for contributing “vaginal rejuvenation” for this one! More commenter-inspired posts to come. If anyone would like to make more suggestions just leave a comment here.
– the weirdgirl