This really should have been Monday mini-rants (because alliteration makes everything better) but I've been having the type of headaches where it feels like someone has stuck hot lancets right above my eyes so sue me if I'm a couple of days late. Now if only they would come up with a chocolate lancet cure-all.
Chance has really gotten into Pokemon lately. Smiling, big-eyed children capturing innocent, even bigger-eyed animals and forcing them into the fighting ring. When they're not fighting they're pressed into tiny balls to live out their cramped little lives. It's so wholesome I could choke.
I don't know what's going on with literacy in America but it seems the haiku has been co-opted by popular culture. I think it started because someone somewhere in education decided that the haiku was all the poetry American children could grasp. Regardless of how or why, the haiku is now cropping up all over the place and I am offended, damn you! OFFENDED! I wouldn't BE so offended if any of these little gleanings were done well or seriously - a haiku, written properly, can be quite lovely - but they aren't, people, they ARE NOT! The latest perversion? Fucking Target coupons written as haikus.
( * _ * )
Yeah. They're calling them haiku-pons! (*Head exploding*) But I've discovered that the addition of just three little words to each haiku makes them bearable. Or at least amuses me to no end. Ahem... "Sandwich needs loving / slice of swiss should do the trick / give thanks to the cows... on my ass." Do you see? Improvement! Let's do another. "Date night has arrived / cheeks want a colorful boost / I can see you blush... on my ass." Ooh, naughty! Or, "A soft, cushy roll / is a cozy, happy joy / sweet squares of heaven... on my ass." Now that's just truth in advertising.
- the weirdgirl
Have pain? Choco-Rod can help*! Just shove a Choco-Rod at the source of your discomfort and you'll feel instantly better!
*May be laced with opiates. Not guaranteed to work on those annoying you.