OK, I could not resist this one. Paris Hilton was arrested for drunk driving back in September. She recently was sentenced jail time… not for the drunk driving but for violating her probation terms, including driving while her license was suspended (she was stopped twice) and not signing up for the court-ordered alcohol education class. Her defense was that she “wasn’t paying attention”, which is pretty ridiculous. But what is even more ridiculous? What is laughably absurd in a way that hurts my stomach and makes me fear for the state of our nation (or some of its citizens)? It is THIS petition circulating to pardon Paris Hilton.
Notable features are in bold. My comments (and some grammatical corrections) are in red.
Petition Available Through Hilton's MySpace Page
The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. (Like Schwarzenegger wouldn’t know who she is; hell, he probably fondled woman at Hilton parties in the 70s.) She provides hope (what?) for young people (damn, I guess I missed my window to make a sex tape) all over the
Hilton is notable for her leading roles on the FOX reality series The Simple Life and in the remake of the Vincent Price horror classic "House of Wax". In addition to her work as an actress (oh my God!), she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer. (I can’t even discuss this paragraph.)
We, the American public who support Paris (we the god-fearing citizens of Rock Ridge), are shocked, dismayed and appalled (yeah, I got a lot of shock, dismay, and appalling going on, too) by how Paris has been the person to be used as an example that Drunk Driving is wrong. (Uh, no again. And do I detect sarcasm here?) We do not support drunk driving or DUI charges. Paris should have been sober. But she shouldn't go to jail, either. (At least, not without several video cameras. Prison chick flicks could make a comeback! Is Tarantino available?)
As depicted on Friday night's episode "Nancy Grace" (why is her name in quotes?) on Headline News (May 4,
2007), countless celebrities have been "slapped on the wrist" for
similar incidents recently (they’re taking some liberties here). Nick Nolte, Mel
Gibson, Tracy Morgan, Wynonna Judd, to name a few, were arrested and never did
a day in jail after their initial arrests for drunk driving /DUI /DWI charges (maybe because they followed their probation terms?).
Rappers Busta Rhymes and Eve still walk free after both being arrested for the
same charges as Ms. Hilton just this
past week (rappers getting away with what a white
chick can’t? Oh my god!). Brandy's
Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time. (It must be a compelling argument because they started the sentence with “yet”, and followed with another “yet”. Very educated.)
This petition is to ask Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger to pardon Paris Hilton for her mistake(s – I count four). Please allow her to her return to her career and life. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't hurt or kill anyone, and she has learned her lesson. She is sincere, apologetic, and full of regret for her actions as she explained tearfully to the Judge handling her case in court yesterday. She is distraught and understandably afraid. (Dear Govinator, please don’t spay my cat. My cat is so cute. Her fur is fluffy. She eats fish and purrs when I pet her.)
WE NEED YOUR SUPPORT to save our Paris from ending up at the Century Regional Detention Facility! Please sign to tell The Honorable Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger of the State of California, to think about the welfare of this young woman who has made a mortal (I think they mean, “moral”) error and deserves a second chance like so many others in our great nation (of drunk-driving endorsing, celebrity-worshippers) have been served with (chances are served? Chilled or flambéed?) after a mistake they have made. If the late Former President Gerald Ford could find it in his heart to pardon the late Former President Richard Nixon after his mistake(s) (um… OooooKAY), we undeniably support Paris Hilton being pardoned for her honest (idiotic) mistake (of getting caught) as well, and we hope and expect The Governor will understand and grant this unusual but important request in good faith to (of) Ms. Paris Whitney Hilton (periods, apparently, are optional)
Sometimes they just make it so easy. I’m wondering if I should ban celebrity news from the house? I’d hate for Chance to grow up to write any petitions.
– the weirdgirl